One Step at a Time

Finally, I am better. I'm not saying I'm already good and happy, but I'm better; better than last week and two weeks ago.

There are changes that I still have to get used to, but I'll survive. I feel like I've gone through the worst already, thank God. (I hope I didn't just jinx myself.) Somehow, I feel like I could already predict what's going to happen, so I'm trying to prepare myself already.

So is this how moving on really feels like? I guess so. I just have to steer clear of things that remind me of everything that happened, and I'll be fine.

Letters I Could Never Send

Because I got inspired by Virlynn, I will be doing my own version of this. I think, I need to do this.

Vir, I hope you don't mind. :)

to You --

I'm sorry I dragged you into my mess. I really shouldn't have. You had every right to get mad at me, but as I told you before, you could've just talked to me. I know you're very disappointed in me and in what I'm doing to myself, but just give me time. In time I'll be back to where I used to be. By then we'll just be laughing this all off.

to You --

Thank you. Thank you for always being there. I know everything's getting all repetitive, so I'm thanking you for putting up with me and my illogical decisions. Thank you also for wanting/trying to believe the things I say, and for doing things that you really don't like just to make me happy.

to You --

Thank you for being the voice of reason and for helping me through my everyday struggle. I think I fould a true friend in you. :)

to You --

What we had was special, and it pains me to think that we'll never have it again. More than anything, I just want to have you back the way we were when this whole thing started. Back then everything was simple, and we were together just because we enjoyed each others' company. We're just both weird, remember? That's why we get along so well. I know I've had my mistakes, and you've had yours (even though you won't admit it), but I am trying my best to keep things as simple as possible, to give you what you want and keep myself in check. I'd like to think we can still go back to that, only if you would be open to having it back. I really, really miss you, you know. :c

Limitations

I think I've finally reached my limit. Nobody deserves to be treated like shit, and to be exploited.

If there's one thing I'm sure of, is that this is not just entirely my fault. I am like this because someone led me to be like this. I don't think its fair for me to just assume all responsibility for everything.

Again, I go back to one of my earlier entries. I am not cut out to play the love game. When I love, I love honestly. I do not do things out of malice, unlike other people. And, unlike other people, I have the decency to not just use people for my own convenience.

Yes, I am angry. Could you blame me? Libras have this knack for seeing both sides of the situation. This time I will not use that. Trying to make sense of both sides of the situation will just make things harder for myself. Now I'm fighting for myself only.

Oo, naging tanga ako. Tanga na nga talaga. But I think I owe it to myself to reclaim who I was before. I miss the old Leigh. I'll bring her back.

Restart. Reboot.

The red hair isn't doing me any good (yeah, like I really thought it would help.) I intended it to be like a symbolic thing in my goal of starting 2010 fresh and happy; you know, like a (sort of) major change to start off the year.

So far, it has not done me any good. My 2010's still as crappy as ever -- a car accident (which cost me Php 18,000), a falling out with a friend, a weird and icky experience somewhere, another car mishap, and of course, money issues. All these just in January.

I'm crossing my fingers that February will be a better month. God knows how much I need it.

RED in 2010.

I'm officially welcoming 2010 with red hair! :)

The first 16 days of 2010 was really awful, so, in an attempt to turn my luck around, I'm changing my look once again. I was also getting bored with my hair, because I'm trying to grow it long so I couldn't really have any drastic haircuts. :/

Clean Room Challenge Day 2 -- 1/1/10

Happy new year! :)

To welcome the new year, I continued on to clean my room. We were supposed to spend the day in Tagaytay, but unfortunately, nobody woke up early. Hahaha. Very good, Villegas family.

Anyway, cleaning day 2 was spent cleaning out my bookshelves and drawers. I was finally able to get all my books to fit into my tiny bookshelf. I have a long way to go in terms of organizing them according to genre (yes, I have my own way of fixing stuff,) but for now, my books are where they should be.

The before shot.

And after.

And you know what else I found? In 7 years, I've had 8 planners and 4 of them Starbucks Planners. Hahaha. Apprently, I now have a planner collection. :)

I also found old autograph books, and old pieces of paper/folders that I had my classmates from Grades 4 to 7 sign. Wow.

Funniest note was from my Grade 7 adviser, Mrs. Bautista. Hahaha. She said, "Leo, I like you a lot. Thanks for everything. Don't be late in High School, ha?"

Hahahaha. If she only knew. :/

Clean Room Challenge Day 1 - 12/31/09

This is my room. I don't sleep in it (because I sleep in my dad's room) , I only put my stuff in it. When I say "put," I mean I literally just dump all my stuff in it. This has gone on from when we moved here in 2005, until now. See, my room's the kind of place you put in "Clean House!" Hahaha!

Until recently, I have been okay with the whole setup of me just dumping my stuff in my room. The problem is, it looks like I no longer have space to dump my stuff in. :( See, that whole area beside my bed is just totally full of my trash. Hahaha. And that's one big problem about me too, I'm a pack rat. I keep anything and everything, just to keep memories of what I've been doing.

Plus, I wanted to really lessen the clutter in my room to start 2010 right. :)

Anyway, room cleaning does have its perks, regardless of how tasking it is. I'm constantly finding random funny things that I've kept from the past -- old diaries, little notes from people, old essays.. etc.

Day 1 was spent cleaning out my dresser and my bag containers. And yes, I did get to FINALLY fix the box that contained my debut gifts that I didn't know where to use/put. Hahaha, yes, you read that right. Debut gifts, from when I was 18, 5 years ago. Hahahaha.

Anyway, I have more cleaning to do. As of this writing (Cleaning Day 3,) I'm 50% done. I'll post some of the cute things I've found soon. :)