silly girl in town

One Step at a Time

2010-03-10T23:43:00.002+08:00

Finally, I am better. I'm not saying I'm already good and happy, but I'm better; better than last week and two weeks ago.

There are changes that I still have to get used to, but I'll survive. I feel like I've gone through the worst already, thank God. (I hope I didn't just jinx myself.) Somehow, I feel like I could already predict what's going to happen, so I'm trying to prepare myself already.

So is this how moving on really feels like? I guess so. I just have to steer clear of things that remind me of everything that happened, and I'll be fine.

Letters I Could Never Send

2010-02-21T02:18:00.002+08:00

Because I got inspired by Virlynn, I will be doing my own version of this. I think, I need to do this.

Vir, I hope you don't mind. :)

to You --

I'm sorry I dragged you into my mess. I really shouldn't have. You had every right to get mad at me, but as I told you before, you could've just talked to me. I know you're very disappointed in me and in what I'm doing to myself, but just give me time. In time I'll be back to where I used to be. By then we'll just be laughing this all off.

to You --

Thank you. Thank you for always being there. I know everything's getting all repetitive, so I'm thanking you for putting up with me and my illogical decisions. Thank you also for wanting/trying to believe the things I say, and for doing things that you really don't like just to make me happy.

to You --

Thank you for being the voice of reason and for helping me through my everyday struggle. I think I fould a true friend in you. :)

to You --

What we had was special, and it pains me to think that we'll never have it again. More than anything, I just want to have you back the way we were when this whole thing started. Back then everything was simple, and we were together just because we enjoyed each others' company. We're just both weird, remember? That's why we get along so well. I know I've had my mistakes, and you've had yours (even though you won't admit it), but I am trying my best to keep things as simple as possible, to give you what you want and keep myself in check. I'd like to think we can still go back to that, only if you would be open to having it back. I really, really miss you, you know. :c

Limitations

2010-02-17T01:35:00.002+08:00

I think I've finally reached my limit. Nobody deserves to be treated like shit, and to be exploited.

If there's one thing I'm sure of, is that this is not just entirely my fault. I am like this because someone led me to be like this. I don't think its fair for me to just assume all responsibility for everything.

Again, I go back to one of my earlier entries. I am not cut out to play the love game. When I love, I love honestly. I do not do things out of malice, unlike other people. And, unlike other people, I have the decency to not just use people for my own convenience.

Yes, I am angry. Could you blame me? Libras have this knack for seeing both sides of the situation. This time I will not use that. Trying to make sense of both sides of the situation will just make things harder for myself. Now I'm fighting for myself only.

Oo, naging tanga ako. Tanga na nga talaga. But I think I owe it to myself to reclaim who I was before. I miss the old Leigh. I'll bring her back.

Restart. Reboot.

2010-01-29T02:37:00.004+08:00

The red hair isn't doing me any good (yeah, like I really thought it would help.) I intended it to be like a symbolic thing in my goal of starting 2010 fresh and happy; you know, like a (sort of) major change to start off the year.

So far, it has not done me any good. My 2010's still as crappy as ever -- a car accident (which cost me Php 18,000), a falling out with a friend, a weird and icky experience somewhere, another car mishap, and of course, money issues. All these just in January.

I'm crossing my fingers that February will be a better month. God knows how much I need it.

RED in 2010.

2010-01-17T17:22:00.003+08:00

I'm officially welcoming 2010 with red hair! :)

The first 16 days of 2010 was really awful, so, in an attempt to turn my luck around, I'm changing my look once again. I was also getting bored with my hair, because I'm trying to grow it long so I couldn't really have any drastic haircuts. :/

Clean Room Challenge Day 2 -- 1/1/10

2010-01-05T01:35:00.004+08:00

Happy new year! :)

To welcome the new year, I continued on to clean my room. We were supposed to spend the day in Tagaytay, but unfortunately, nobody woke up early. Hahaha. Very good, Villegas family.

Anyway, cleaning day 2 was spent cleaning out my bookshelves and drawers. I was finally able to get all my books to fit into my tiny bookshelf. I have a long way to go in terms of organizing them according to genre (yes, I have my own way of fixing stuff,) but for now, my books are where they should be.

The before shot.

And after.

And you know what else I found? In 7 years, I've had 8 planners and 4 of them Starbucks Planners. Hahaha. Apprently, I now have a planner collection. :)

I also found old autograph books, and old pieces of paper/folders that I had my classmates from Grades 4 to 7 sign. Wow.

Funniest note was from my Grade 7 adviser, Mrs. Bautista. Hahaha. She said, "Leo, I like you a lot. Thanks for everything. Don't be late in High School, ha?"

Hahahaha. If she only knew. :/

Clean Room Challenge Day 1 - 12/31/09

2010-01-03T03:32:00.004+08:00

This is my room. I don't sleep in it (because I sleep in my dad's room) , I only put my stuff in it. When I say "put," I mean I literally just dump all my stuff in it. This has gone on from when we moved here in 2005, until now. See, my room's the kind of place you put in "Clean House!" Hahaha!

Until recently, I have been okay with the whole setup of me just dumping my stuff in my room. The problem is, it looks like I no longer have space to dump my stuff in. :( See, that whole area beside my bed is just totally full of my trash. Hahaha. And that's one big problem about me too, I'm a pack rat. I keep anything and everything, just to keep memories of what I've been doing.

Plus, I wanted to really lessen the clutter in my room to start 2010 right. :)

Anyway, room cleaning does have its perks, regardless of how tasking it is. I'm constantly finding random funny things that I've kept from the past -- old diaries, little notes from people, old essays.. etc.

Day 1 was spent cleaning out my dresser and my bag containers. And yes, I did get to FINALLY fix the box that contained my debut gifts that I didn't know where to use/put. Hahaha, yes, you read that right. Debut gifts, from when I was 18, 5 years ago. Hahahaha.

Anyway, I have more cleaning to do. As of this writing (Cleaning Day 3,) I'm 50% done. I'll post some of the cute things I've found soon. :)

Good Vibes, Good Vibes!

2010-01-01T02:28:00.009+08:00

Hello 2010! :)

Is it just me, or could you also feel the positive vibes of 2010 all over the place? As from what I could see on Facebook, looks like people couldn't wait to get 2009 over and done with, me included.

Not that 2009 was bad. It was more of a BLAH year for me. I don't know. It just seemed forgettable.

Well anyway, in keeping with tradition, this is going to be my annual 2009 closing entry (a day late.) Let's recap the year, shall we?

*To tell you the truth, this is gonna be hard, because seriously, nothing made a mark on me this year, except for only a few things. Sad.*

January started with us moving into our new stations in Market Market. That meant a lot of clutter, and a lot of effort to fit in.

But then of course, it was made easy by friends who are just as willing to be silly as I am, to relieve the stress of moving in.

We officially ushered in summer in March by going to Bora! :) This trip was legendary, because of the "misadventures." This trip tested friendships, relationships and boundaries.

Back to work in April, with TONS of things to do.

But we can't just let summer pass without another vacation, right? It got me off my old mentality of not mixing my groups of friends. ;)

Mid-year I was forced to look back to my roots and appreciate how far my family has gone.

I learned also mid year that when the going gets tough, its best to surround yourself with people who know you best, so that you may be able to find yourself again.

And yes, because I was lost at that time, my hairstyles became more experimental. Hahaha.

Things were changing, but the only thing that remained constant was work.

Good thing work was becoming something to look forward to, with the people I was with. :)

The beach remained to be my ultimate resting place, where I could just lie down, read a book with a shake in hand.

In September, I got a present that totally changed my life. I got Pepi, a 2 month old Japanese Spitz for my 23rd birthday. :)

And it was also that time that I got to join Game KNB again. :)

I may have done a lot in 2009, but to me it seems as if I didn't do anything at all. In 2009 I felt like I was constantly on the lookout for the things that could make me happy. I was constantly on the go, not giving enough time for myself to process the things I've been doing. Add the fact that it was also last year when all my issues with myself started to surface, my insecurities, jealousy, my unfamiliarity with certain things taking a toll on my emotions... it was all in 2009.
It was a transition year for me. I was finally becoming an adult, and the adult life overwhelmed me so much, I felt like I didn't know myself anymore. I was torn between who I wanted to be and who I was.

To say that 2009 was a bad year might be too much. But then it wasn't great either. It left me lessons; a lot, in fact. Hopefully I put these lessons to good use in 2010. Come to think of it, if not for the blah-ness of 2009, I would not be hopeful for 2010. :)

So there you go. Hello 2010, you're finally here. Let's make this year better, shall we? :)

Bye 2009, Hello, 2010! :)

Clean House

2009-12-30T13:52:00.003+08:00

Things to do before January 4:

Clean room!
Clean Mang Jose of old files
Fix Itunes
SCRAPBOOK! (Last entry was November 2008. Good luck to me.)
Transfer all files to Spartaaaaahhh!!
Fix House!

The thing with this list is that they all take a long time to do. Now I wonder why I didn't get started on these things last week. Hay. :(

Goal now is to at least finish cleaning my room before the 1st. I want to start 2010 with a fresh, new outlook in life, and that literally means less clutter. This is me hoping that with a more organized environment, I'll try to be more organized as well. Wishful thinking? I hope not. :)

Now I wish I had more time; more time to do the things that I want to do. Yes, I like working. But I just miss having a life outside of it. That means, I just miss having idle time to do these seemingly menial things.

Merry (not) Christmas and Happy (not) New Year!

2009-12-29T13:05:00.012+08:00

7 days into my (almost) 2 week vacation, (which, by the way, is the longest vacation I've had since I started woriking,) and I've managed NOT to do the things I've orininally planned on doing. Very predictable of me. :) Number one on my list was to not go out of the house so as to cut down on my expenses, but obviously, that hasn't happened. Haha. :)

So far, these are what I've done --

23 December 2009 -- Tagaytay with Rapo

I call this my half day vacation. I went to work late, and went on half day. :) Because Rapo and I were bored at work and needed something different to do, we finally decided (after much deliberation because of traffic) to take our being kaladkarin a step further and go to Tagaytay to eat and hangout a little bit. We had bulalo at Leslie's and had a pseudo-photoshoot session with the shadows. We had coffee at Starbucks after.

24 December 2009 -- Cooking Noche Buena!

If you know me, you'd probably know that I DO NOT COOK. Well, in 2009 I have finally explored the idea of me cooking. That means I'm no longer scared of being too close to the stove, and of getting burned from sauteeing. So this is what I did, I cooked pasta for my family's Noche Buena.

25-26 December 2009 -- Baguio with the Family!

On a whim, Papa, Ate and I decided to go to Baguio on Christmas Day. We did the customary Baguio things, plus of course, we slept A LOT. Hahaha. (Photo was taken at the Strawberry Fields)

27 December 2009 -- Hundred Islands!

On the way down from Baguio, my dad decided to go to a detour. Too bad we didn't have any swimsuits with us, I wanted to swim and bake in the sun so baaaad. :(

28 December 2009 -- Filmfest!

As with tradition, one day was spent watching MMFF entries. This year, Ate and I watched Mano Po 6: A Mother's Love and I Love You, Goodbye. Both films were okay, nothing spectacular. One thing, though. The confrontation of Sharon and Zsa Zsa in Mano Po 6 was priceless, and, being a fan of Sharon, I totally loved it. :)

See, obviously, I have not been doing what I should be doing. My room is still begging me to clean it, and my scrapbook has lain untouched for almost a year. I still have 5 days to go (OMG. I can't believe it's almost over. :c) to do those things. And oh, I have not had a single drop of alcohol the whole Christmas Break. Good job, Leigh! :)

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T00:50:00.002+08:00

From the inner depths of the heart of this scrooge, I wish everyone a very merry Christmas. :) I may not be a fan of Christmas eve and Christmas day (but I like the season. Yes, I'm weird.), that doesn't mean I will be a wet blanket and be nega for everyone else as well.

By the way, credits go to Francis Tady for the image above. :)

Surprisingly, I'm hopeful about this Christmas because my family and I will be doing something different this year. For the first time since mama died, we'll be going out of Manila for Christmas. We used to spend Christmas day in Tagaytay every year, but since she died, we sort of stopped the tradition. This year, Christmas day (and the next two days after that) will be spent in Baguio! Well, it's no biggie, actually. I'm sort of even dreading the roadtrip part of it, and the multitudes of people who will be there too, but then the little kid in me is excited for the family trip. I'm just happy because unlike the previous years, we're now exerting more effort to spend quality time with each other. :)

Investments

2009-12-13T23:24:00.004+08:00

After more than a year of working, I'm finally able to do something worthwhile with my money. Actually, fine, the money's not from my salary, but from my Game KNB winnings. But hey, an investment's an investment, right? The important thing is that I was finally able to raise enough money to put into good use.

Maybe its the season, but lately, I've also been buying major stuff to replace my old ones. As of today, December 13, 2009, I've replaced the two major gadgets that I use, my camera and my laptop.

From a 5 megapixel purple Canon Ixus i zoom, I now use a 10 megapixel pink Canon Ixus 95 IS camera (of course it has to be pink! Haha!) I bought it last Sunday, but I only got it last Friday because I had to order the pink one. So far, it has not failed me. It doesn't have some of the features of my old camera, though. No color accent or color swap features on this one.

After more than 4 years of faithful service, I am not putting Helga to rest. Well, not really. She'll still be used occassionally. :)

Helga, my 4 1/2 year old Canon Ixus i zoom

Say hello to Kimi, my new digicam! :)

I also replaced Mang Jose, my laptop of almost 5 years. I bought an Acer Aspire 4736z laptop just last Saturday. :) I'm officially naming him Spartaaaaahhh!! Hahaha. Don't ask how I got that name, it's a long story.

I guess it makes sense that I'm replacing my old laptop and camera now, because I also got them both almost at the same time 4 years ago. I'm just proud, because one, I'm paying for the camera myself, and I'm paying for part of the laptop's expense as well. Technically, these are two things that I am paying for, from my own earnings, after more than a year of employment. :)

Christmas Countdown

2009-11-17T02:03:00.002+08:00

First of all, forgive me for the subject. I couldn't think of anything else to put there. I'm not even bothering to count how many days it is until Christmas, so I don't know how this can be a legitimate countdown. But who cares, right? Hahaha. :)

Two nights ago, I got home to see our house looking like a beerhouse. By beerhouse I mean, it had colorful christmas lights everywhere -- yellow lights on the the ceiling, red lights on the windows, and orange lights on the plants. It was HORRIBLE, I tell you. I didn't even bother taking a picture of it because I had it all taken down immediately.

That was how I realized Christmas was just weeks away.

I've never been fond of celebrating Christmas, and neither has my family. Christmas for me is just a season to celebrate with friends, with Christmas parties and Christmas dinners and my most favorite part, gifts! Haha. :) Yes, I sound like a ditz, but I guess I've grown up. Really, I think its because at Christmas, you realize how lonely it is to be in an incomplete family.

Add the fact that I'm gonna lose more and more money for gifts for other people (and myself), well, that just makes Christmas less enjoyable for me this year. Hahahah. Kidding. But yeah, I'm just a bit more conscious. It's hard to earn money, you know. Haha. :)

Basically, I have nothing to look forward to this Christmas. Period.

The Php 88,000 challenge

2009-11-09T01:50:00.005+08:00

My Game KNB experience is now officially over. Last Friday, I took 2 hours off work (thank you, bosses!) to get my check and have it cashed in the bank. I am now Php 88,000 richer. Thank you, God! (Because I no longer have money! Hahaha. The money came right on time.)

I've been thinking for the past couple of weeks what to do with the Php 88,000 from Game KNB. I already made a list of things that I wanted to buy, but I'm dead set on saving/investing the Php 50,000. That leaves me with Php 38,000 to spend, which totally does not cover all the things that I want to buy/spend on.

Anyway, just to give you an idea, these are the things that I want --

New digicam -- because my old digicam, Helga, is already 4 years old and is ready to retire.
New laptop -- same with the digicam. Mang Jose really wants to retire. :(
Vacation -- Done. Spent for a night at Shang Mactan for me and my family.
LV bag -- just because I want one, and I know I can afford it. Hahaha.

Okay. After the vacation, I only have around Php 28,000 left. How the hell am I supposed to use up only that much for the rest of the things in my list? Hay. I guess the real challenge here is me not touching the Php 50,000 for savings. Wish me luck.

But then again, which two items above should I prioritize? I'm totally lost. Hahaha.

Anyway, just to share, here are some photos of my LAST Game KNB stint. (Take note, I put in last because Game KNB has now been replaced by Showtime. Sad.)

Getting my make up done
Taping Day 1 (23 September 2009)

First time in my green team uniform!
Taping Day 1 (23 September 2009)

Team LA LA LEIGH all wet after three consecutive games.
Taping day 2 (28 September 2009)

Team LA LA LEIGH with one of the teams we competed against for that taping day.
Taping day 2 (28 September 2009)

With my jacket (which I could've taken home if we won that day. We didn't win so I didn't get to take it home.)
Charity Game taping (14 October 2009)

Finally, a picture with Edu!
Charity Game taping (14 October 2009)

With the Game KNB all stars -- 3 and 4 day winners, all competing against each other for the Charity Game.
Charity Game taping (14 October 2009)

Kythe 07-08

2009-10-26T01:37:00.003+08:00

Can you believe it, it has been a year and a half since this photo was taken? I can't.

I miss these people terribly. I feel bad that we can't see each other regularly, or even have once in a while get togethers. Heck, I don't even know what's happening with most of them.

Hay. I just can't seem to get over college. Part of me wants to go back, but, as Princeton of Avenue Q said --

But if I were to go back to college,
Think what a loser I'd be-
I'd walk through the quad,
And think "Oh my God..."

"These kids are so much younger than me."

Stitches and Burns

2009-10-21T00:24:00.004+08:00

It may be too early to say that I'm fine and over it, but for what its worth, I just have to say.. Yes, friends, I am okay. I'm alive and kicking. Hard. Kicking really, really hard. The days of the emo, sulking me are all over. Trust me.

(And trust me that the more I tell myself this, the more I'm pushed to really be okay. Mind over matter; that's my game plan.)

Give me a couple of weeks more, and I'll really be okay.

Anyway, I have a new favorite song. It's an old song, actually. You know those songs that always sound familiar, but you never really get to know the title or remember the lyrics? Well, this is one of those. If you do know the song, well, congratulations. Hahaha. :)

Stitches and Burns
Fra Lippo Lippi

People say that I'm a fool
Well I don't know
At least I found out
what it takes to be strong
I was dreaming all day long
A drifting cloud
With eyes wide open
I would choose not to see

*Now I don't want
to see you anymore
Don't want to be the one
to play your game
Not even if you smile
your sweetest smile
Not even if you beg me
darling please

Say good morning to the world
I hope you like it
take good care of all those
things that we have
I've been looking for a way
for to long now
seems like everything
must come to an end

*repeat

Time after time
nothing that I can do
Knowing your ways
and loving your ways
But not getting through at all
Day after day
leaving the past behind
Coming to terms
with stitches and burns and
Learning to fly again

Fine, I'm gonna confess. Part of the reason why I'm loving this song right now is because it totally explains where I am right now. The way I understand it, it's about someone who wants to move on, and that's exactly where I am right now.

Wish me luck. Everyday's such a burden, that I really get tired emotionally after each day. I know it'll get easier as each day passes, but sometimes, I just get burned out by the effort it takes to keep myself sane. My brain knows that I do not want to be left there, where I used to be. If only my body could follow the things my brain is saying, things would be a lot easier.

Reasons why you should never, NEVER read work email at home

2009-10-16T01:28:00.002+08:00

Because you're AT HOME and not in the office
Because you end up getting pissed while trying to rest
Because you're not in fighting form to win an argument through email when you're at home
Because webmail sucks and only outlook can support the smileys that I like putting in my messages
Because you're not with your supervisor, to ask for help when you're being escalated
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID TO DO SO.

Yes, all this because I made that big mistake of opening my work email here at home. I'm now very, very, very pissed at the people who think I'm incompetent and who like dipping their fingers in other people's work. I'm also pissed at the people you consult, because they're supposedly more knowledgeable, but don't really give you advice because they're too afraid to get into shit.

Hay. Leigh, leave work stuff in the office, okay.

Happy 23rd, Leigh. :)

2009-10-01T00:45:00.002+08:00

My 23rd birthday was bittersweet. It wasn't entirely happy, but it was definitely memorable.

I know for the longest time that date will be remembered for Typhoon Ondoy, which destroyed most of the eastern part of Metro Manila with floods. You can't imagine how awkward it was, waking up thinking that today was gonna be a good day, only to realize, it was the worst day for a lot of people.

I was supposed to throw a party for my friends the night of my birthday, but after seeing what was happening outside (and inside our house for that matter. Our basement also got flooded.), I cancelled the whole thing. I ended up spending the whole of my birthday in bed, playing with Pepi, hanging out alone in the sala and listening to music. Definitely not my idea of how I'd want to celebrate my birthday. It wasn't even something I'd do on a normal day.

Surprisingly, I was okay with it. If anything, it made me again realize how lucky I am. There I was, clean, dry, and comfortable. None of my family were missing, and our house was okay. Again, it just reinforced the thought that perspective counts a lot. It made me realize again that there are so many things to be happy about. All I needed to do was to stop with the self pity.

Really, I've been so blessed lately, that I find myself hating myself because I've been whining for the past couple of weeks about how my life sucks. Without Ondoy, this would probably really have been the most memorable of my birthdays so far. For one, I got Pepi, my 2 month old Japanese Spitz. I also got to play again in Game KNB, and our team was able to win Php330,000 in 4 days. Plus, I finally got the promotion I've been waiting for.

Maybe its age, or maybe I was just emo, but that's what I was thinking the whole day of my birthday. Maybe again, Ondoy was a blessing in disguise for me, to help me change my perspective in life, and also to give me the opportunity to give back to others; for me to share my blessings to others.

A lot of people have been mobilizing to help the victims of Ondoy, and I'm proud to say that even in a small way, I was able to help. I spent Sunday buying things to donate, and also helping out in the relief operations in Ateneo. Unfortunately, time and work constraints won't allow me to do anything else during the weekdays, but I am planning on doing something else to help.

There you go. Twenty three. I hope my 23rd year brings me more new adventures and realizations, new friends and new goals. But if there's one thing I really would wish for myself for my 23rd, it would be that I don't forget how blessed I am, and for me to never forget to be thankful for everything that I have right now. :)

Let's Play the Love Game.

2009-09-20T23:21:00.002+08:00

I'm not cut out for this.

You may say I live in an ideal world, where nothing is complicated. I don't care. One thing I realized with all this is that I'm not cut out to play the game. I don't know the rules, I don't know how its played. Heck, I don't think I'm strong enough to play, and I'll be honest enough to admit it.

If only it's that easy to drop out, I would have dropped out months ago. I just don't want complications, please. I'm tired, very, very tired of everything already. I want my old self. I want my old happy self back.

For the witty, sophisticated charmer, celebrating his 23rd

2009-08-29T23:24:00.002+08:00

.. this is for the 16 years of friendship. Hahaha. :)

From the awkward post-puberty/trying to look old phase (yes, your hair looks nice here)

to our weird moments inside the Kythe room, where we pretend to study..

to moments inside my car, where we talk about anything and everything, and where you are the official DJ, assigned to play music from Ateneo all the way to Makati..

for believing in the things that I am most passionate about (yes, seen through me trying to teach you how to fly a kite. Hahaha.)

and for still pushing me when things seemed hopeless and all I wanted to do was just bum around...

for allowing me to make fun of you (hahaha.)

and mock you whenever you feel cool (kasi cool boy ka na ngayon eh. hahaha.)

for being my Fully Booked buddy, allowing me to share the random things that I read wherever, and for helping me wake up my tired neurons..

and for being my ultimate kaladkarin friend, that's almost always available anytime (Remember this? SOSS Fiesta 2008. You went with me because I forced you. You got drunk. Hahaha.)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLAN! :)
(You're gonna hate me for posting this picture, but I don't care. Hahaha.)

More adventures ahead! 2010 goal -- we're going to Boracay, okay? :)

Rapo and Leigh Adventures: Som's and Kikufuji

2009-08-13T23:47:00.007+08:00

Because I promised Rapo I'd be chronicling our after work adventures, well, here it is. I'm blogging about it already. :)

Lately all we've been doing is to scout for good restaurants that serve really, really good food. Actually, if I remember correctly, our friendship started with us talking about where we wanted to eat and the kinds of food we wanted to eat. Since then we've been going as far as Binondo and Quezon Ave (we're both from the south, so those places are far from where we usually are,) to look for good restaurants.

Anyway, this is Part 1 of the places we've eaten at so far.

1. Som's Noodle House - Alger St., Poblacion, Makati City (very near Rockwell)

This is the first place we went to, outside of the vicinity of work (meaning, outside of Fort. Haha.)

Som's is sort of a hole in the wall restaurant near Rockwell that serves really, really good Thai food. The Tom Yum Shrimp is a staple everytime we're there, plus the Pork Satay with Peanut Sauce. I can't say much, because we usually stick to what we like, but we've also tried the Thai Siomai, and it was also pretty good.

Ambiance wise, it has that carinderia feel to it, with plastic chairs and tables with umbrellas just outside on the road and sidewalk. It allows you to want to eat more, actually (because nobody cares if you eat with or without poise. In my case, it's more of without. Hahaha.) It just sucks though, when you get there and it starts to rain. Som's has very, very limited space indoors, so when it rains, you just have to either have your food taken out, or just risk having to eat on a wet table. Trust me, it's not nice. We've tried it. Haha.

Leigh with the Tom Yum Shrimp
April 27, 2009

Rapo enjoying his Tom Yum also!
March 31, 2009

Som's closes at around 10pm, which is late, sort of, but too early for us (we get off work at around 9), and the food usually takes around 10-15 minutes to be served. Prices are okay. We average around 200-300 each, for the Tom Yum, one to two dishes, rice and drinks.

2. Izakaya Kikufuji - Pasong Tamo, Makati City (Part of Little Tokyo, beside Makati Cinema Square)

It was a rainy night when we decided on going to this part of Makati to look for something to eat. Rapo remembered he had already eaten at this restaurant which had really, really good grilled dishes, whose name he initially could not remember.

Of course, he eventually remembered it was Kikufuji. We got there right before they were about to close, just in time for the last order. He ordered random stuff, whose names of course, were all in Japanese, so I couldn't remember them. I was just initially intimidated because I had never eaten in an authentic Japanese restaurant in my whole life.

Anyway, he ordered a bunch of grilled things on skewers, tuna sashimi and salmon sashimi. My favorite turned out to be the grilled mushrooms wrapped in Bacon. Super, super, super yummy. Both types of Sashimi were equally good, with very distinct tastes that differentiate them. Personally, I prefer the Salmon Sashimi; it's much lighter on the tastebuds. :)

The grilled dishes that we like (from L-R) -- Beef Tenderloin (I think,) Pork Liver, 2 sticks of the mushroom wrapped in bacon, asparagus wrapped in bacon, and chicken liver

Him and his Yakisoba, on a Tuesday night
July 28, 2009

Me with my favorite dish! :)
July 28, 2009

Kikufuji is a laid back place, very cafeteria like. Expect no music, just snippets of conversation from the tables around you. The counter is where we always sit, while watching the Japanese dude prepare the dishes while drinking beer (seriously!) The menu's mostly in Japanese, but the servers are able to explain what the dishes are. Prices are okay, around 300 per person.

Parking is probably the only thing that I had difficulty with, because it shares parking space with the other restaurants in the area. Chances are, you might have to double park and be disturbed in the middle of your meal just to move your car. It's either that, or have your car parked across the street by the valet people. Valet parking is free, by the way. :)

--------

There you go. :) I promise to update more often. I've been thinking of writing about a lot of things lately, mostly about my adventures after work. Hopefully I find the time to do so. :)

New toy!

2009-07-14T01:13:00.002+08:00

Meet Cowie Cowcow! She's my new toy in the office! I got back to my station in Market Market after a day in Discovery, and found her sitting on my chair, with a note from Rapo. :)

I now have three pets - Sheep, Giraffeee (pronounced gee-ruuh-fee), and Cowie! Okay, welcome to second childhood. Hahaha.

And my hair evolves once again...

2009-07-03T01:10:00.003+08:00

Two days ago, I again went and got a haircut. I wanted to update my look without having to cut it even shorter, so I opted for full bangs instead.

I went from this --

to this.

I'm not quite sure about the results. Well, it really is different, for sure. But so far, all I've been getting are compliments from random people; the funniest was the one in the ladies' restroom at work. Hahaha. :)

It's funny how my hair has evolved from when I first got the guts to cut it short. I've never been this experimental with anything. It's like I'm constantly thinking of ways to change the way I look, and continuously changing the hairstyle is the easiest way to attain that.

You are my sweetest downfall.

2009-06-27T02:44:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, the effects of the things you do really will just surprise you. You do something thinking it'll be for the best of everyone, only to find out it can cause your downfall.

That downfall happened today. I was all set on reclaiming myself -- spending time with myself, my friends and my family. I thought it would be fine. I mean, we're okay enough as it is. I thought we had come to that point wherein we didn't need to constantly be with each other just to solidify the relationship/friendship.

Apparently, I was wrong. In that short span of time that I was able to do all these things, I was already losing him. He probably thought I was abandoning him, or something like that. Of course I don't really know. We really don't talk about it that much.

I'm not ready for this, honestly. Plus, I really don't wanna lose him.

It hurts me that I feel like I was ditched. Replaced. I was under the impression I was special; that I was different to him than everyone else. That's what hurts the most -- that he totally ate everything that he told me.

Dress me up Monday

2009-06-25T01:30:00.003+08:00

Mom's old floor-length skirt (worn as a dress)
Cardigan from Debenhams
Sandals from CMG
Belt from somewhere I no longer remember :)

Mondays are usually dress days for me. This mean, I make it a point to wear a dress and be unusually girly during the start of the week.

Last Sunday, I found one of mom's old skirts, thinking I could use it the next day. But then when I tried it on on Monday morning, it was waaaay too long, so I decided to use it as a dress instead. :)

Well, I think it turned out good. My officemates didn't realize it was really meant to be a skirt until I told them. The picture does not do it justice. Forgive me, I'm new at having to take pictures of my outfits. I still can't get the right setting and positioning for the camera, plus, I'm always in a hurry during mornings. :) Promise, I will learn how to do it properly. :)

Pale Skin, Red Lips

2009-06-24T02:42:00.004+08:00

My mom rarely wears make up. If anything, she'd just wear lipstick, put on powder, and then she'd be all set to go. Mama's philosophy has been just that -- just a splash of color, and you're all set. Simple, yet obviously made up.

I've never been a fan of lipstick -- they're sticky, they taste weird, and you always have to reapply it, which is such a hassle. After all, I didn't need it, as my lips are always redder than usual because I lip bite. (Bad habit. Boo.)

Yesterday, I figured, why not wear the really, really dark lipstick that's been in my make up case for ages, but never had the guts to wear? And so I did, out of curiosity and boredom. Haha.

With my teammate, Aris.
Taken yesterday, June 23, 2009.

Voila! Red lipped me. I didn't put my usual make up on, just to prove my point -- lip color can do A LOT. I liked the bold color, how it catches attention, and how the color sharply contrasts against my naturally pale skin.

Now I know what to do when I'm lazy to put on my usual amount of make up. :)

Happy Independence Day!

2009-06-14T14:24:00.003+08:00

Three-day weekend, thanks to the the celebration of the 111th Philippine Independence Day. I was glad to not have to work last Friday, so I declared this weekend as my independence day as well; from work and adult life, that is.

My main goal for this weekend was to reconnect with my old, old, old friends, and myself. That, I think, I was able to accomplish fully.

Friday was spent with Allan and Francis in Tagaytay, talking about squash, pumpkins and zucchini. Typical us. I originally wanted to go to the beach that day, but they didn't want to, so we ended up in Tagaytay.

We went to T House Spa for a massage (I got a 90 minute massage which was absolutely fabulous.), and then merienda at Carlos Pizza. We planned on getting drunk once we get to Manila, but fatigue got the best of us. I just slept the night away, which was actually what I needed even if it was a Friday night, and technically, I should be out. Hahaha.

I had a catch up Saturday afternoon the next day with my best college girl-friends, Vany, Cla and Jho. We had lunch at Flaming Wings, while catching up with everyone's lives. It felt like college once again; having lunch at Flaming Wings. It was our favorite place for lunch, and it still felt comforting, being in the same place with the same people, wearing the same college-y clothes, despite the fact that college seemed ages ago.

We walked around Eastwood Mall afterwards, still talking about random things, just like we did years ago.

And then I had my alone time at Azta Eastwood, where I got my hair relaxed and cut and had a manicure and pedicure. I met up with Virlynn after, and did more catching up. :)

Sunday was spent with Papa, and myself. Hahaha. We just walked around Rustans, then watched this Denzel Washington movie (I forgot the title, sorry.) I also got a facial at Belo (I really, really love it there. The people are very welcoming, and the services very comforting. They really make you feel taken care of.), and had my eyebrows groomed.

And now I'm blogging, getting myself conditioned for the work week ahead. Somehow I feel better, but at the same time, I feel sad. It's times like these when you realize how much you've changed and how hard it is to revert back to how you used to be. But then at the same time, it's times like these that make you feel good, knowing you always have people there around you, people who really know you, that will always remind you of how and what you want yourself to be.

Status Quo

2009-06-10T23:43:00.001+08:00

Now I feel crappy that I wrote my last entry while I was still obviously very emotional. The last thing I need right now is for someone to read it and make the wrong conclusions.

Anyway.

I'll just post this --Philippine Fashion Week 09
31 May 2009
SMX Convention Center
Dress from GAP, shoes from Janylin, sling bag from Mango

The photo's not very clear, sorry. This is a photo of me with Monte, my friend's brother.

This was taken last May 31, when my friends and I went to watch Sassa Jimenez' collection for PFW. I actually wear this dress to work; I just pair it with normal black heels. Because I was shopping-deprived, I wore it to PFW. I just paired it with my black Janylin shoes (I don't know how to describe it,) and voila, it didn't feel like office attire anymore. :) Good job.

Bitten by Reality

2009-05-31T02:43:00.004+08:00

You're vain, your games, you're insecure
You love me, you like her
You make me laugh, you make me cry
I don't know which side to buy

Your friends they're jerks when you act like them
Just know it hurts
I wanna be with the one I know
And the 7th thing, I hate the most that you do
You make me love you

-- 7 Things, Miley Cyrus

I guess the song says it all. Who knew a Miley Cyrus song would have this effect on me? Haha.

Today, reality just forced itself on me. I just spent the week floating with happiness, and of course, something just had to ruin it. Now I don't know where I REALLY stand -- am I being played? All of a sudden I feel so stupid; like I let myself get into this kind of situation without any protection at all for myself. Thus, here I am, sulking.

Yes, I'm awake. I'm fully awake now. He is no longer on that pedestal, I already know the things I don't like about him. I have to spend more time with my other friends, I have to spend less time with the thing that is tempting me.

Summer List

2009-04-27T01:23:00.002+08:00

Just because I feel like things are getting stagnant once again (meaning, work is driving me crazy and it's becoming the center of my universe), I'm listing down my summer wishlist, just so I'd be forced to do something different for the season.

Let's see where my creativity will lead me.

1. Grow my hair!
2. Get highlights or something.. just so I wouldn't get bored with it.
3. Go on a Manila tour with a friend
4. Paint again. Just anything random. I just need to hold the paintbrush and see where it leads me.
5. Change tumbler design according to season
6. BeachBEACHbeachBEACHbeach!!
7. Take a picture of myself everyday. Outfit shots if possible.
8. Finish listening to all the songs on my old ipod. :)

Summer, where are you??

2009-04-21T02:01:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I walked all the way from Bonifacio High Street to Serendra, while getting soaked wet by the rain. Poetic? Yeah, now it is. It didn't seem so poetic last night.

You see, I wanted to go home already, thus, the long wet walk. It was already around 11ish, and I've already been waiting for the rain to stop for a couple of hours. Seeing that it wasn't letting up, well, I walked in the rain.

And then I realized, hey, it's the middle of April, why the hell is it raining? I'm not even half done with summer, and it's already raining. Very, very wrong. It can't end yet, I'm just starting!

I want to go back to the beach. And this time, I'M SERIOUSLY GETTING A TAN. I've been really worried about getting myself burned because of work, that's why my past two beach trips have been.. well... it got me darker, but I want to be darker still!

I'm hoping that I can squeeze a beach trip when I go home to Cebu to see my cousins! :) Shang Mactan!! Pleaaase!

See, maybe I never really learned anything at all!

2009-04-13T01:51:00.004+08:00

"In some ways we grow up, have families, get divorced, but for the most part, we still have the same problems that we had when we were 15. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling, forever wondering, forever young." - Meredith Grey

I have a thing about getting older. Yes, I'm partly scared; I'm scared of growing old and wrinkly of having arthritis and getting sick. Part of me is thinking that growing old is overrated. I've said it so many times that when you're a kid, you want to grow old so fast; when you're there, you realize it's nothing to rush into, really.

Eight years ago I was the feeling mature kid, trying to get a hold of her hormones and ironically trying to fit in by not trying to fit in (or at least making it seem that she doesn't want to fit in when in fact, she does.) I was the go-to person of my crushes, and being that person to them gave me the satisfaction of being close enough to them. Only, that meant me boxing myself in to the "best-girl-friend" box.

Fast forward to 2009 -- my hormones are now manageable (read: no more acne!), but I'm still that girl that's trying to fit in by not trying to fit in. I still voluntarily box myself as the "best-girl-friend," and I'm still feeling mature (Yes the years did make a difference, but I'm still trying to act older than my real age.)

I really don't think anything more will change in the next couple of years. The way I see it, the problems/situations I get myself into now as an adult are like more complicated versions of whatever it was I went through during puberty. This means, even without noticing it, I'll end up dealing with them the same way I dealt with everything else in high school.

Sorry for rambling on and on. Maybe tomorrow I'll think otherwise.

The picture was taken during 1st year high school (2000), at Kodak Glorietta.

At 3:29am, on the 12th of April

2009-04-12T03:30:00.004+08:00

Prodigal blogger is back; and now, she is debating whether to talk to boy-of-the-moment or not.

To tell you the truth, being my typical torpe self, I am waiting for him to talk to me. I've been changing my status message since I went online, in the hopes of him noticing that yes, I'm still online at this hour.

Now, what do I talk about here? I figured, I should blog, given that I'm already running out of things to do on facebook. Ugh. I think I'm going to talk about him. AGAIN. This is getting to be too much, if you get my drift. Helloooooo. I mention his name every other sentence!! I'm never like this! Ugh.

Can you tell me how to cure this very, very, very juvenile crush? I'm starting to imagine my life as a movie, and I'm thinking, I'm like Laida Magtalas (Sarah Geronimo) in A Very Special Love. I'm the (sort of) jologs girl who's so in like (I refuse to say love) with the rich, perfect bachelor. Hay. Jologs me. :(

See, I'm not even making sense here.

Anyway. There, I think I can sleep now. I already got to talk to him... and not just on YM. Hahaha! Eat that, other girl whose name I will never mention here! Hahahahaha!

Omg. I'm so sabaw! Okay, I'll sleep now. :)

I don't usually post things like these, but here goes..

2009-04-11T01:01:00.003+08:00

What is a perfect girlfriend? They say there's no such thing as perfection, and that she doesn't exist.

Oh trust me, she does.

She dresses up all cute and pretty every time you take her out on a date. This is her way of keeping you interested as your eyes are locked solely on her. You stare at other girls instead, and she gets hurt and upset that all her time and effort were put to waste.
You call her insecure.

She holds on to you like she's never letting you go. This is her way of telling other girls that she's lucky that she has you, and no, you're not available.
You call her clingy.

She calls you the sweetest nicknames, or ones that only you two will understand. This is her way of saying how special you are, and that there's nobody else in this world like you. You call other girls "babe" just as how you would call her, and she gets disappointed.
You call her shallow and jealous.

She checks up on you, making sure you made it home safely or that you're not out getting yourself into any kind of trouble. This is her way of showing how often she thinks about you and that she worries constantly because that's how much she cares.
You say she's nagging.

She cries when you do or say something wrong. This is her way of saying "That hurt only because YOU said it and I love YOU."
You call her overly sensitive and emotional.

She loves you more than you love her. This is her way of dealing with the fact that your relationship wasn't like how it used to be, but she is willing to make room for more love and some changes. You push her away.
You call her dramatic and annoying.

So go ahead. Leave the insecure, clingy, jealous, nagging, overly sensitive, annoying girl.

She will soon be much happier in the arms of someone who actually deserves her: the perfect boyfriend.

First of Summer

2009-03-16T22:21:00.003+08:00

It's funny that when you're in college, the reason why you couldn't just pack up and leave for the beach is that you don't have the money. Now that you do, the biggest problem is time, which you had a lot of in college.

Hay.

Summer's finally here, and my friends and I started it off by going to Boracay! Finally, we got to stay at Station One, the more subdued and quiet part of the island. I've been going there every year since 2005, and I've never stayed at Station One. I've always wanted to, and now that I have tried it, I'll thinking, I won't go anywhere else. We found a really nice hotel, Sur Boracay, and it has really nice facilities and sort of affordable rates, in comparison to the other hotels in the area.

All I wanted to do was rest, and that, I think I got to do. I just didn't get to sleep by the beach, though. It would've been nice, but I'm still paranoid that I'll get sunburnt. What I got to do is just lounge around on the beach, with chill out summer-y music, smoking and drinking shakes. That for me is rest enough.

Anyway. I'm keeping this short.

I'm happy I started Summer 2009 great. Whatever happens, I'll make sure that this summer will be fun for me, despite the fact that I'm tied to work most of the time. I'll make time, if I have to. :)

18 days until the Naga/Caramoan beach trip! :)

Prodigal Blogger

2009-02-09T00:21:00.003+08:00

Yeah, yeah, I know. I promised to blog more often, and right at the start of the year, I find myself not fulfilling this promise. Sorry.

I have been planning on writing something noteworthy, but nothing just seems to pop into my head. It's all work, work, work, and believe me, that's the last thing I wanna talk about.

Well anyway, nothing much has been happening, apart from work, that is. I've been transferred to another channel, meaning I'll be handling something different from what I've been doing for the past 5 months. Apart from that... well.. yeah, nothing. Haha. I've been living such a boring life since 2009 started. THIS IS NOT GOOD!

Anyway, I'll just post a picture. This was taken when I met up with my friends for Patis' welcome back thing. :)

Hello, working girl.
13 January 2008, Bonifacio High Street
Grey Top from Topshop -- Php 1100
White lace camisole from Ate's closet
Black skirt from H&M -- 100 HKD
(I don't remember how much it is exactly)
Shoes from CMG -- Php 900
Charles and Keith Bag -- Php 1800

I hope next time I blog, something has happened. This is getting frustrating. :s

Hello, 2009!

2009-01-14T01:42:00.001+08:00

In the spirit of the new year, I cut my hair. Again. Shorter. It's so short, I have to use wax on it. Hahaha.

Yes, I'm getting addicted to cutting my hair. I don't know, I'm just becoming more experimental, I guess. That'll be my resolution for 2009.

Anyway, I was thinking of making a Chictopia account a while ago, while talking to my fashionable friends. When I got home and actually browsed through the site, well, I sort of changed my mind. INTIMIDATING! Swear.

So now, I'm letting out my Chictopia frustrations here. I'm gonna start uploading pictures of the clothes I wear! Yay! :)

I'm starting with this, my favorite pictures of the moment. Hahahaha.

21 December 2008
Bubble Dress from SM -- Php 900
Charles and Keith Shoes -- Php 799
(From the Private Sale at the 3rd Floor of Dimensione in Bonifacio High Street)
Tiangge Necklace

03 January 2009
Dress from People Are People -- Php 799
Marks and Spencer Cardigan -- Php 500
Shoes from some store in Hip, Powerplant -- Php 800
Purse from Lav :)

Christmas 2008

2008-12-24T22:09:00.002+08:00

Yeah, like I care.

I was prepared to write one whole blog entry full of bitterness and shit, but then I realized, hey, I've got it so much better than a lot of people.

I remembered Kuya Wilfred, our service support that got stabbed by some random guy and died two nights ago. We may not have been close, but just thinking of how a family can celebrate Christmas with the dead body of a loved one with you in the house, well, for sure I wouldn't want that for myself or for anyone.

And so starting this Christmas, I will try to be more positive about the season. We may not have the happiest Noche Buena, or have the loudest house on the street, but we're still all together this Christmas, and that's what's important. We may have lost two family members in the recent years, but that's no reason to be all negative about it.

Okay. If only I can make myself believe that.

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone! :)

Because I need to keep my memories

2008-11-18T01:04:00.002+08:00

I'm making my mom journal.

Allan and Nikka gave me the idea earlier tonight, while having coffee. I was ranting about how I know and remember so little about my mom's life, before she got sick, that they suggested I make a journal, to keep the memories that I have right now.

While driving home, I was thinking about it, and then suddenly it appeared to be a very good idea. At least I can remember the little things, because these are the things that I want to remember the most.

I'm not going to be pretentious here and say that my mom and I had the best relationship. If anything, it was far from perfect. It's just that I've been without a mother for more than three years now, and I miss it. I want something to read again and again to remind me how my life was when our family was still complete. The feeling's starting to get all blurred and lost, especially now that so many things are happening all at the same time.

Hopefully this will help me figure things out for myself. :)

Waiting for my rocket to come

2008-11-02T00:58:00.003+08:00

I've long been waiting for this. I mean, I've always believed that life is like a circle -- one day you're down, and the next day, you're back up again.

I've been expecting this kind of turn of events, given that I've been having a crappy time lately. But then now, I'm thinking maybe I expected too much, because the happiness I feel right now still doesn't feel enough. Yes, I'm happy. But that's just that. I'm just happy. With all the shit I've been through these past months, I would've thought life would give me something better than this.

Okay, I may not be in the position to complain, but what the hell. I'm complaining. I want something better. But then again, I'm still paranoid about the trade off. When my wheel goes back down again, I hope its not as bad as the last time it was there.

Important Lessons from My Boss.

2008-10-16T00:01:00.002+08:00

Stop fantasizing at night. Period.

The "what might have been" and "what could be" thoughts should be banished forever.

That's how you can stop yourself from falling for the wrong person.

Thanks, Liz.

First Days.

2008-09-30T00:00:00.002+08:00

I've never been a fan of first days. I hate that the night before I'm always nervous and can't sleep. I hate that I have to be someone else for that one day. I hate that sense of vulnerability and insecurity, having been thrown into an unfamiliar situation.

But then first days are inevitable; there always has to be a start to everything.

I've dreaded this first day since I signed that paper. This first day meant the end of something, the end of an era, if you can call it that. This is why I wasn't optimistic about today. I hated it for ending my happy times, even if I made that decision myself.

This is so unlike me. Usually, after the drama of the first day, I always end the day optimistic and happy, finding something to be glad about. Today, I left the office really wanting to go home and to go back to the life I left behind. I wanted to go back to my happy place. Though I had a lot to be happy about (I have friends and yosi buddies already, yay!) I couldn't quite pull myself together.

I have 8 hours until I go back there again. I hope tomorrow will be different. I miss my optimistic self. :(

On making that decision

2008-09-24T13:39:00.002+08:00

I'm hours away from signing off my future. Jobhunting took roughly 5 months, and after all this time, you'd expect me to really know what I want already.

Newsflash.

I still don't.

And so I'm making this decision to sign my future off to some company that I don't really know or like. I'm making the decision to join the workforce this way, just to get people off my back about my indecisiveness. Crappy reason, I know.

But come to think of it, major decisions in my life have crappy motivations anyway. I pursued studying in the Ateneo just to make my dad shut up about school. Maybe this will end up that way -- a crappy decision that can turn good.

Nevermind that the future still looks and feels bleak to me. I'm getting one foot it, that's enough.

Twenty two.

2008-09-21T15:43:00.002+08:00

Only 5 more days until I turn twenty two, and I find myself actually dreading the thought of my birthday.

I've always been a birthday person. I like celebrating birthdays. It's an excuse for me to do things that I wouldn't usually do on a normal day, and it's one day when everyone treats you more special than usual.

But then 2008 hasn't really been good to me, thus, I'm sort of dreading my birthday this year. The emptiness will be magnified, I'm sure. This is the first birthday I'm gonna be having without Yaya, and the first year that I'm not gonna be having her spaghetti and fried chicken that I absolutely love. You see, her spaghetti and fried chicken has been sort of a tradition each time I celebrate my birthday. I've been having it since I could remember, and this is the first time I know I'm not gonna be having it.

Twenty two is definitely going to be a turning point for me. I have so many things to sort out, so many things to think about. So many changes have been happening and have happened, and I feel like I'm floating on air, not sure when I'll finally find solid ground.

I just want to at least be genuinely happy on the day of my birthday. Period.

Who Wants to Play 20 Questions?

2008-09-05T00:33:00.004+08:00

Jigs, a conservative economics graduate, and Yumi, a very liberal and outgoing commercial model are the victims of a long standing barkada tradition: they have to stay in a room for three days and two nights. Fifty hours to go before their stay is over, they find bottles of wine and twenty questions to learn more about each other and possibly fall in love.

Twenty Questions. Refresh my memory. I'm not sure, but I think this was staged in the Ateneo a couple of years back. It really feels very, very familiar. Hmm..

Anyway, I just watched it earlier tonight with my sister and her friends. It was my first time in the University of Makati, and surprisingly, I am amazed at how beautiful their theater is. Better than the Ateneo RMT, even. But then what good is a nice venue when your audience is rude and unappreciative, right?

Fine, call me judgmental. Call me old, even. But watching with lots of high school kids who were obviously required to watch the play was not fun. One, they were NOISY; before the play, while watching, and after the play. They were making all sorts of comments which were really uncalled for while watching. Where else could you go and hear someone randomly shout, "Ang sarap mong mahalin!" in the middle of a serious monologue? HONESTLY.

Two, they just make me cringe with their stupid questions. Yeah, I know the play's title is Twenty Questions, but that doesn't mean you can ask the same question over and over and over and over again. Active listening, please. You just rephrased what the person before you asked.

Three, the play has an actual story. It wasn't staged just so they can gawk at the cute actor. I swear, they were squealing all over the place.

Apart from all these, I actually enjoyed it. It was relateable and that's good enough for me. The lead actress does get very annoying at times, especially with the "Ano ka baaaaaa. Ang corny mo!!" line that she said for most of the earlier part of the play, but she's okay. She kinda balances out with how different she was in the latter part. Plus, I like that it's fresh. It's actually refreshing to watch something that makes you want to believe in butterflies and rainbows again.

One thing, though. Watching Twenty Questions made me want to play twenty questions. Hahaha. Question is, who to play it with. Hahaha. :)

I'm in love. :)

2008-08-27T20:02:00.002+08:00

Tell me, must you really wear skimpy trunks? Hahaha. You're making me fall harder for you, you know.

Gaaaah. The hormones.

I am Ninoy.

2008-08-22T00:51:00.003+08:00

I find it horrible how the latter generations do not know who Ninoy Aquino is, apart from being Kris Aquino's father, or the guy on the 500 peso bill. My sister says its the result of this holiday economics the government is so hell bent on implementing. I just think its because of the generation gap.

Yes, 25 years is a whole generation, and though I find it horrible that kids nowadays don't know who Ninoy is, I sort of get why. I'm not the most nationalistic person I know, and I bet most people have the same stand as I do regarding politics and nationalism. This is why I get them.

I think we just need a reminder. A lot has happened in the 25 years since Ninoy died -- typhoons, wars, rebellions.. name it, we've had it. It's not hard to get too caught up in the present to let the past just be forgotten. We just need a reminder of what Ninoy stood for, and I think this is it.

Watch the video, and let's all be Ninoy.

Running

2008-08-19T15:29:00.003+08:00

I've always hated running. Tell me to do anything, just not to run, because I've always hated how it exhausts me immediately and how my breasts bounce everytime I do so.

But now I've found that running is something that I've been doing for the past couple of weeks. I've been running away from everything -- my friends, the things that I used to do, my responsibilities.. everything. Heck, I even want to run away from here.

I don't know what I'm running from, or if I'm even supposed to be running at all. One thing I do know, is that it gets tiring. I'm sort of tired already of running away from the things that I'm running away from.

Leaving

2008-08-08T02:51:00.003+08:00

I'm leaving tomorrow (well, actually, more like in a couple of hours) to go and face whatever it is that need facing. These past couple of days have been like.. I don't know. These past few days have been surreal. I've been avoiding having to stay long in the house and being alone, yet something still doesn't feel right. The things that used to make me feel better don't seem to work.

We're going home to Cebu for the last day of yaya's wake and for her funeral. I'm scared. After this, it's all really going to be over. She's really gone.

How I wish that when I wake up tomorrow, it'll be August 8, 2009, a year from now. Maybe then I'll be out of this limbo where I'm in. I'll be back in school, busy as hell, and by that time, things will be easier. No more of this dull ache that's tormenting me.

Grieving.

2008-08-05T23:39:00.003+08:00

Right now, everything hurts. No, wait, it's not really pain. It's more like a dull ache everywhere; like you know something's not right, like something's missing.

I can't even begin to explain how it is. Heck, I don't even want to explain. Chances are, people won't understand anyway. I'll just end up frustrated and angry.

Yes, I'm better. Better than last week, definitely. But still, I'm not okay.

I get it. It was her time. She's happy now. She's better off there, with God. But then words are just words; they're supposed to make you feel better about the loss. I of all people should know this. That's also why it has lost its power over me. No matter how hard I think of this, it doesn't seem to help.

My sister said to grieve was to be selfish, to mourn YOUR loss and not the joy of the one who passed away. I'm grieving. I'm so overcome with grief that I don't even know what to do with myself. Call me selfish, but I'm just acknowledging the feeling the way I know how.

Things will get better, I know. But that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Hey you.

2008-07-30T02:30:00.002+08:00

I have not laughed like that for the longest time. You know... The kind of laugh that's genuine, that deprives you of all manners; the one that comes from your belly.

I missed that.

And then I look at you and you're laughing the same way. I have to admit, that moment, that exact moment when I looked at you, I realized I was going to spend more years of my life with you.

On Hope and Despair

2008-07-29T03:35:00.004+08:00

If there's one thing that I remember from Philosophy class, its how Marcel would turn in his grave upon seeing how I used to interpret hope.

Like most people, I liken hoping to attaining something that I want. "I hope I pass this test," or "I hope the weather's good tomorrow." It can go as shallow as a child's wish to get more presents for Christmas, or an adult's wish to finally land a job. (*ehem*) Either way, my point is, how was I supposed to know that it was more than this?

Fine, now I know better. To hope means more than just getting what I want. To hope means trusting in the world that things will go okay, regardless of whether its how you thought it would be or not. Heck, it's just plain trusting God.

Again, I have to say, like everything else, it's easier said than done. Right now I find myself in a situation wherein I want something really bad. Default me wants to just hope that I get whatever it is that I want, and throw a bitch fit if I don't get it. Post-Ph103 me wants to believe that regardless of whether I get it or not, I'll be okay; that it's for the best.

Honestly, I feel more comfortable with the first option. The post-Ph103 option just feels like a cop out, like something people say just to make us feel better as failures. I feel like I'm going to end up in despair, just like what Marcel warned. But what if that's what's going to make me feel better? Is it really as bad he said it is?

Maybe the measure of a man in despair is not in how he let himself get into that situation. Maybe its how he pulls himself up from that pit. Maybe that's how he finds meaning in himself, eventually rising up as a better person.

Sundays.

2008-07-27T16:02:00.003+08:00

Simbang Gabi 2007 at the Church of the Gesu

Today's a Sunday, but instead of having a quiet day with my family, I'm stuck inside my room, trying to keep away from the noise my sister and her friends are making. She again rented this videoke machine for the day, so she and her officemates can have their GA here at home. It's all a big hassle, if you ask me.

Dad's out, working. Yes, even on a Sunday. He's part of the investigating committee of this Qantas Jet that emergency landed in NAIA.

You know what, I miss the Sundays we used to have when I was a kid. It was special, and it really felt like Sundays are for the family. When mom was still here, we used to either go out, or order pizza, then we'd go to mass in the afternoon. And then when she passed away and my sister lived in Cebu, Papa and I would watch movies every week. It didn't matter that the movies were crappy, we just had to go out every week. We'd eat Wendy's Bacon Mushroom Melt inside the movie house, and have Dairy Queen ice cream before we went home.

But perhaps what I miss the most is going to Church services. It may be Catholic, or any other denomination (given our family's history, this isn't surprising), I just miss the feeling of going someplace to worship.

Fine. I've never really been the religious kind. In fact, I abhor having to conform to whatever religion says is right of wrong. I can argue intellectually about why people should not blindly follow what whatever religion says, and I still stand by whatever those arguments are. It's just that my mind may be satisfied with it, but I don't think my soul is. I feel like I'm still missing something.

Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee... -- Confessions, St. Augustine

I don't know. It may just be nostalgia or plain idleness that I'm saying things like these. But nevertheless, it would be nice to feel close to Him again.

Since I already started reminiscing..

2008-07-23T20:07:00.006+08:00

...I went and looked for old pictures of me in college.

I'm not being vain, really. (This entry has a point, other than just me wanting to post more pictures of myself.)

This was the person who wrote that essay four years ago. Now that I think about it, maybe I really don't want her back. I don't want the ugly hair, braces, and ugly eyebrows back. Haha, okay, vain reason.

But seriously. It would be nice, but I don't want her back. I know I'm the way I am right now (you know.. cynical and jaded) because I needed to be like this to survive college. My being cynical and jaded was my way of growing up, just like how other people needed to be more trusting or more confident to survive college.

I'm not trying to justify what I've done, or how I spent the last 3 to 4 years of my life. It's just that I'm slowly coming to terms with the thought that maybe, this was necessary for me. Change is constant, yes. But no one really defined what kind of change should happen to define one's coming of age.

As a matter of consequence, this kind of change was what happened to me. I learned that life isn't all about rainbows and butterflies. There are storms and icky insects too, which will, at some point, ruin everything. Therefore, arming yourself better against these things would really be helpful.

However, to say that I totally do not believe in rainbows and butterflies would be a total lie. I know there's still a part of me that believes that everything will turn out right at the end, and that involves some sort of idealism. Let's just say, I've learned to be more guarded about a lot of things.

Flashback

2008-07-19T17:15:00.002+08:00

Flashback to four years ago. I was a freshman, hating where I was. I was overwhelmed by everything Ateneo, and everything was a struggle.

I wrote this essay for intact class. My last paper, I think. I was reading my old emails (because I was bored) when I stumbled upon this, and other papers I wrote back in freshman year. Funny how despite the fact that I was struggling (if I remember correctly, I was mocking the whole Ateneo system while writing this), I was also proud of being where I was.

----------------
Maria Leonila Villegas AB SOS Intact 15 October 2004

If there’s one thing I’ve learned during the whole semester of Intact, it’s that the Ateneo is very much concerned with the spiritual well being of their students. Though I came from a Catholic high school that also has these kinds of activities, I hold Ateneans in a very high regard because they do practice Ignatian Spirituality and the like in their lives.

In reading the articles by fellow students in the book Growing Roots, Taking Wing, I discovered that I am just like them. I’m currently a freshman overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the world that has been laid out in front of me. I was used to a very sheltered and comfortable life and though I had responsibilities of my own, these responsibilities were not as big as the ones now. Now, it’s just sinking in. As cliché as it may sound, my future really is in my hands.

Being in the Ateneo gives me such mixed emotions. The thought that out of around 10,000 who applied (I’m not even sure about the exact number), only around 1, 200 were accepted, gives me a sense of pride that I am part of the 1, 200. This makes me feel that I really am with the best of the best, the cream of the crop. But for someone like me, who has battled with mediocrity since grade school, I couldn’t help but feel insecure because I know I’m not doing my best. My mentality back in high school used to be “Bahala na, basta pumasa.”, but now, this already seems to be inappropriate. I admit, my goal this year was just to pass freshman year, but this got me thinking. In a place wherein everyone is competitive (at least in my perspective), I shouldn’t just be in the sidelines watching the competition. I should be part of it.

This is why I envy those who are blue-blooded, to the very sense of the word (Ateneo grade school and Ateneo High graduates), because the essence of the word Magis, is already in their systems, thus giving them an edge over us (again, only my opinion). Magis, or doing more than is expected for you and Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam or doing your best for the greater glory of God seems to be the driving force why most Ateneans really do strive to be the best in everything they do. And though I have only been an Atenean for roughly 5 months, I couldn’t help but be inspired by this driving force and by the people who truly apply this in their lives.

Honestly, it wasn’t my decision to study in the Ateneo, it was my dad’s. I personally wanted to study in LaSalle, not because I think it’s better than the Ateneo, but because it is more convenient. I used to think that these two are just the same and it doesn’t matter where I study because I know I’m going to get a job if I graduate from any of these two schools. But now, after almost 5 months of being here, I have come to one conclusion. I know that my dad’s decision to send me to this school is one decision I know I’ll be thankful for in the long run. Also, judging from the stories that my Lasallian friends tell me, there’s a big difference.

It’s such a relief to be in a community wherein everyone cares about you and it’s very inspiring to be with people who do things not for their own success but for God. It’s also very comforting to know that almost everyone is ready to help you. There was one time, I was searching for a book in the library catalog and I didn’t know what RLSC is and where it was. I asked my friend about it and he also didn’t know, but this girl beside me who overheard our conversation readily told me where it was and how to get books from there. In a small way, this truly embodies the Atenean’s being Persons-for-and-with-others principle. But being a person for and with others does not stop there. We should always be ready to answer the call of our society so that we could help make a change somehow.

So far, I haven’t had any bad experiences in the Ateneo and I hope to have none. I am continuously inspired by the people I meet and the things I see here that it would be no surprise that by the end of my stay in the Ateneo, I will have learned to apply Magis in my life.

--------
You know what I miss too? It's that this essay felt so optimistic; like I was ready to take on the world. I wish I could say the same thing right now. I think I can honestly say that the girl who wrote this is not the same as the girl writing this blog entry right now.

Rainy days.

2008-07-16T22:09:00.002+08:00

Apart from the hassle of looking for a dry spot in the smoking area of the Starbucks in Rockwell, I'm totally loving the rain. Yes, I'm loving it. I'm loving the thought that because its rainy, it becomes an excuse to become more lethargic than usual.

What I've got they used to call the blues

Nothin' is really wrong

Feelin' like I don't belong

Walkin' around

Some kind of lonely clown

Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

(Rainy Days and Mondays -- The Carpenters)

Yes, I care for humanity.

2008-07-01T20:15:00.007+08:00

I realize that I've been very selfish lately. While I was in Hong Kong ranting about how Frank (Fengsheng) ruined our plans to go to Disneyland for the day, I forgot about how the people in the Philippines were mourning for the tragedy that just happened.

I was bumming around here in the house after coming home from a job exam when the they showed a video clip on television that was truly disturbing. It was a clip of the divers in the area of the MV Princess of the Stars, and, I saw, floating on the inside of the sunken ship was a leg. It probably belonged to one of the victims of the accident who got trapped inside the vessel before it capsized.

That for me was a really, really sad thought; to know you're seconds away from dying and to know that you can't do anything to save yourself. Like the whole world is just falling on top of your head. (Literally and figuratively) That's exactly the reason why I don't like riding sea vessels -- I feel that if ever I get into an accident there, it'll be a slow, painful death.

I won't get into the details of how that leg looked. You probably have this mental image of how a decaying, wet corpse is supposed to look like anyway. It was only shown for like two seconds but I assure you, that image will be stuck in my mind for the next couple of weeks.

Picture from monstersandcritics.com

How is it possible that Sulpicio Lines still operates after having four major disasters in the past twenty years? One of those four disasters, the sinking of the MV Dona Paz, which killed around four thousand people, is even considered the world's worst maritime accident! (Yeah, I researched.)

One accident is okay. It may just be normal. Two is questionable. Three is unforgivable, and four is just absolutely stupid. After four accidents, I don't think they should even have the gall to even operate again. That's what, around 7,000 lives lost under their care.

I may not know anyone who died there, but as a human being, I'm sorry, I just can't help but get riled up at the stupidity of everything.

One thing's for sure though. My yaya is never going to the province on a ship; especially on a Sulpicio Lines vessel. I'm going to do everything in my power so that she rides an airplane going to Cebu. No more ships.
---------------------

This random thought gets a separate part.

In the midst of all this gloom, some part of me can't help feeling amused at the thought of an upturned ship in the middle of the sea.

Picture from monstersandcritics.com

I don't know why. The image is supposed to be morbid, but somehow, I feel that maybe it would be a nice place to visit. After all, how many upturned ships do you know are stuck in the middle of an ocean?

After summer vacation vacation (part1)

2008-06-28T02:02:00.007+08:00

I'm back from my 4 day vacation! (Actually, it wasn't really a vacation given that I'm on vacation24/7. Hahaha.)

It was great finally being able to go to Macau and Hongkong. It was starting to be embarrassing that I haven't gone to those places. I mean, most people I know have been to Hongkong at least once in their life. Finally, at 21, I got to go there. Yay for me! :)

Okay, first thing's first -- Macau. We stayed at the Venetian; this really, really huuuuuge hotel there, which is like the third biggest airconditioned building in the whole world (or, at least Ernesto, our gondolier, told us.) Having to go around the whole hotel was like spending an hour on the treadmill. See, that's how I got my exercise there. Hahahaha.

The Venetian Macau

The rooms were the best part of the whole Venetian experience. Seriously. They didn't have normal rooms, so all the rooms were suites; meaning, they all had living rooms, two television sets, princess-like beds with pillows that were to die for, and one humongous bathroom that I super loved.

The bathroom

We love the bed! (And the timer)

We couldn't get a nice picture of the whole suite.

We spent the whole first day there riding the gondola (with Ernesto the gondolier who looks Filipino), shopping around the Grand Canal Shoppes (and getting told off rudely by this Chinese salesperson at Mango), eating chocolates that we bought at the Chocolate Shop, and walking around at the casino area, looking lost. After all, how could we not look lost, the hotel itself has its own map!

Day 2 was spent outside. Yeah, we actually managed to pull ourselves out of our bed and get our asses out in the heat. We took a cab to Senado Square (Largo do Senado) and took pictures of random things there, just so that we can say we had a taste of Macau culture. The Ruins of St. Paul (Ruinas de Sao Paulo) was also there, so we got to see that too.

Walking around the Square

On the steps of the Ruins

I get what they say about Macau now, about how it has become the Las Vegas of Asia. Most of the hotels there were also in Las Vegas -- The Venetian, Wynn, Sands, MGM, and many more. Too bad we didn't get to see the lights at night though. We decided to spend time enjoying our suite. We don't get to experience staying in suites too often anyway. :)

It still sucks to be me!

2008-06-23T01:13:00.004+08:00

When I say I like something, it means I really, REALLY like it. Take Avenue Q for example. I already watched it last December, and, because I super liked it, poor old unemployed me, paid another 1000 pesos just to watch it again.

And, of course, it was again super, super worth it.

The feeling I got after watching the play was still the same. Being able to watch the play at this point in my life was really comforting. It meant that I wasn't alone in my issues as a fresh graduate looking for purpose. Apparently, a lot of people have felt the same, to the point that they actually made a musical out of it. :)

At the same time, I recall this exact play being the source of my quarter life crisis six months ago. Back then, this forced me to think of what I'm to do after graduating, thus, pressure.

I was a bit disappointed at the ending "For Now," at the end of the play when I watched it last December. It felt like a cop out, like, fine, there's no way to really find your purpose, so let's just be happy with whatever we have. This, for me, felt like the easy way out.

But now, I kinda got it. Purpose really is hard to look for (and this time, I'm speaking from experience), and if I really want to look for my purpose before moving on with my life, then I'm gonna end up middle aged and still soul searching.

PRINCETON:
Why does everything have to be so hard?

GARY COLEMAN:
Maybe you'll never find your purpose.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
Lots of people don't.

PRINCETON:
But then- I don't know why I'm even alive!

KATE MONSTER:
Well, who does, really?
Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.

BRIAN:
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.

GARY COLEMAN:
Take a breath,
Look around,

BRIAN:
Swallow your pride,

KATE MONSTER:
FOr now...

BRIAN, KATE, GARY, CHRISTMAS EVE:
For now...

NICKY:
Nothing lasts,

ROD:
Life goes on,

NICKY:
Full of surprises.

ROD:
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
You're going to have to make a few compromises...
For now...

TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...

ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!

Life may still suck, but at least, the happy thought here is that it's only for now.

The French and Romance

2008-06-20T01:44:00.002+08:00

Being a bum does have its good sides.

Take last tuesday, for example. I finally had the time to just go and watch something I normally would not have watched. Apparently, there was a French Film Festival going on in Shang, and my friends and I, being totally bored and craving for things to do, went there to try it out.

We only got to see one movie -- Changement d' Adresse (Change of Address)

David, a shy, awkward musician who has just moved to Paris, falls madly in love with his young student, Julia. He tries everything to win her heart. His room-mate, Anne, provides encouragement, advice and consolation... passionately!

It was a nice movie. Nothing super great about it, no fancy visual effects, no mind blowing philosophical dialogues, no complicated twists at the end of the film. It was just a simple story, that was relayed well, in the sense that it made me feel like I was watching a real person's life unfold.

But it did give me really weird ideas about the French and their interpretation of romance. Yes, the French are romantic people. I get it. But does that justify becoming a martyr all for the sake of love? Does that mean giving up your own dreams and your own happiness just so that love can prevail? Where do you draw the line between being a gentleman and just being plain stupid?

I'm sorry. Maybe this is something I'll never understand.

Happy Fathers' Day!

2008-06-15T23:56:00.004+08:00

I spent part of tonight in High Street, people watching. Because it's fathers' day today, more families were out. Fully booked was full of little kids and teenagers, looking for things that they want their dads to buy for them (And, because again, today's fathers' day, I'm betting those kids got what they wanted. Hahaha.)

I, on the other hand, was alone. Papa is again in some country, working. He left Saturday night, and will be back before the week is over. If he were here, I'd probably be doing the same as those kids I saw a while ago. I would've dragged him to High Street, fed him Krispy Kreme, as a bribe to get him to buy whatever I want. Haha. :)

Anyway, seriously.

If there's one thing I'm thankful for, its that I'm my father's daughter.

Life may have thrown a lot of trials along our way, but I'm happy because I had you to lean on.

Mama's birthday
November 12, 2006
Heritage Park

My birthday dinner
September 26, 2006
I forgot where we had dinner. Haha.

Chances are, you will never see this. After all, you are totally clueless about everything related to the computer. Hahahaha. But, for whatever its worth, I love you. You will forever be the number one man in my life. :)

Dryness.

2008-06-12T01:53:00.003+08:00

I may regret writing this at some point in my life (actually, in a couple of minutes, I think I'll regret it already) but I think I just have to say this.

There are really just days like this when I feel that my life is totally devoid of feeling.

I did the usual stuff; actually, given my lifestyle nowadays, I'd say I did more stuff today that I do most days. I went to school, did some errands, met up with the Kythers and joined their meeting, hung out with Allan, Nikka, Francis and Mars, had really worthwhile conversations...

I mean, given my (relatively) full day, I don't understand why I went home feeling like crap.

My friends keep me up most of the time. No matter how tired or sleepy I may be, they're my instant energy booster -- I just feel the need to be really happy when I'm with them. Wait. No. I think I'm really just happy when I'm with friends. I usually go home happy-tired, after a day spent with them. This is why I don't understand why I'm feeling really, really, really dry right now.

By dry, I mean I feel like I'm totally devoid of emotion. The happiness felt mechanical, the laughter more tiring than sincere.

I know it doesn't have anything to do with the people I'm with. I missed the Kythers so much that it actually hurt seeing them there continuing on with their lives, while I'm here in limbo. And, with the gang, nothing can really go wrong. So, probably, it's probably just me, and I don't know why.

Guilt.

2008-06-07T02:13:00.003+08:00

Perhaps the thing I hate the most about me as a bum is the guilt that comes along with everything that I do. Don't get me wrong; I'm totally loving my life right now. No worries, no stress. Everything feels like I'm just floating in open water -- no specific direction, but I know I'll hit land at some point.

But then there are times when my lifestyle gets to me. I feel guilty for every single thing that I do; for every liter of gas that I consume because I want to go to the mall or to the gym, or because I just want to meet my friends, for every credit card charge that I make for books, a good mani/pedi or clothes. Heck, I even feel guilty for every Starbucks purchase.

Maybe right now is not the time to be a bum, for me at least. We're not rich, and life isn't getting any easier.

I got scared all of a sudden a while ago while driving home. I dropped off Allan and Mars at Shell Buendia on the way, and the gas prices just plain scared me. A sharp tang*na was all I could say. Gas prices have increased, AGAIN. Unleaded is now at Php 55. **. (I don't remember the exact prices.) God. Looks like I'm gonna have to start hitching rides or commuting sometime soon. That's if I want to keep my bum lifestyle.

I knew it!

2008-06-05T17:32:00.004+08:00

Yes I'm bored. I watched Sex and the City thrice in the past 6 days, and its starting not to be helpful anymore.

Why? Well for one, it makes me want to shop. A lot. I don't know why it has that effect on me, but it just does. Two, it has glamorized the idea of having girlfriends too much, that I'm starting to imagine my life five years from now, having lunch with my girlfriends in trendy Manila restaurants, just like they do in Manhattan. For an unemployed girl like me, having (day)dreams of things like these aren't helpful. Imagine how much weekly lunches in nice restaurants will cost. Ugh. As much as I'd like to, I don't think I'd be able to sustain that kind of lifestyle.

And three, because of this.

I took the Sex and the City Match Your Man quiz, (yeah, pathetic, I know. Hahaha.) and apparently, my match is Steve.

Sweet, sincere, scruffy Steve is a romantic who prioritizes your relationship over his career and his wardrobe. He's content having you be the breadwinner in the relationship, and he's even willing to be bossed around a little bit. Although at times he lacks maturity, you have a hard time resisting his boyish charm. Steve has a contagious optimism and is always there when you need him.

Uhhh.. hello? OMG. Can we repeat again how much of a Miranda I am?! This reminds me of this entry that I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Hahahaha.

See what boredom can do to me?

The Romanov Prophecy

2008-06-02T14:07:00.003+08:00

It all started around a week ago, when Allan, Nikka and I spent another afternoon in Fully Booked High Street and I decided I didn't want to go home without books with me.

And so I bought Steve Berry's The Romanov Prophecy. It sounded intriguing enough; it was about Russia, and the Romanovs. I loved historical fiction, so I thought this one was no different.

I forgot to take into consideration the "Berry pulls a Dan Brown, throwing the reader right into the action." review that was conveniently placed on the cover itself. I should've realized that it was gonna be one of those historical fiction stories with interjections from the present, with matching gunfights and car chases everwhere.

The plot's simple enough. I mean, just by the title you'd get that it was about how two Romanovs could have escaped from death. The book is set during the present, when Russia decided to bring back its Tsar and look for the closest descendant of Nicholas II. Miles Lord is an American, working for a law firm whose clients are prominent businessmen who have expressed interest in investing in the new Russia. The whole adventure starts there, when he starts to research more about how the Romanovs were murdered, and the possibility that two children of Nicholas II and Alexandra could have escaped and survived.

The protagonist Miles Lord didn't really grow on me and the mention of his family and background, and even him showing emotions seemed forced. At the same time, I couldn't help but wonder how someone as stupid as him could even be a lawyer. (If you read the book, you'll know why.) I was cringing the whole time at how he again and again fails to use his common sense.

Perhaps the only thing I liked were the flashbacks to Nicholas II's family, their capture, and murder. The present day scenes were too much for me. Filled with too much action, maybe.

But, what I hated the most was the fact that apparently, I didn't know enough about Russia. There were paragraphs that I totally did not understand because of the continuous mention of the Bolsheviks, Lenin, Red and White armies, the Ural Soviet, World War 1, and other things that I only had vague ideas of. I had to constantly check Wikipedia just to understand the little details that were mentioned.

Steve Berry's writing style also felt dry. I couldn't feel anything, not even sympathy for the characters that he made.

Good thing I opted not to buy two of his books at the same time. But, at least now, I know more about Russia. I still don't understand much of it, but at least I have basic knowledge. (Or, at least I'd like to think so.)

jobhunting temporarily on hold

2008-05-29T02:20:00.003+08:00

Okay, so I just noticed that I haven't updated for a long time, and that is why I'm writing. I have nothing in mind to write about, so I'm just gonna let my fingers do the talking.

Tomorrow I get another chance at something that doesn't happen to most people. If you wanna know what I got myself into, check my multiply. (But then you'd have to be my friend first, so add me if you want to know. That's if I know you. Hahaha.) Anyway, so I get another chance at it. And I really hope I do better.

But then at some point, it kinda makes me feel sad too. I feel like, I'm taking bread from people who are really hungry. On some level, I don't like what I'm doing. But, at the same time, I feel like I deserve this, like I was born to do something like this. You know how some people just know they're born to do something great? Well, I think I found the great thing that I was born to do. It sounds shallow, I know. Even I am cringing at the very sentence that I just typed, but then, it just feels right.

I've always been a general information buff -- you know, I like knowing things. Regardless of whether its about history, geography, pop culture.. anything at all. I'm known to actually just randomly search Wikipedia about the things that pop into my mind. Finally, I have found something where this ability/hobby is useful.

I want more money. That's the selfish, materialistic me talking. But then if you also know me, you'd know that I won't only spend the money on me. I have bigger plans for it, you know. I just hope that I win tomorrow. That's it.

It doesn't feel like me.

2008-05-20T19:27:00.002+08:00

It's days like this that make me realize how old I really am.

You see, deep down, I still feel like I'm 16; in that place where you're in between being a kid and a full fledged adult. At 16 I was the exact person I am today, except for that dash of cynicism I have acquired in college. At 16 I was the giggly, happy girl; active in everything, but still exuded that don't-mess-with-me aura that has become so me these past few years.

Yes, I have learned quite a lot of things in the past 5 years, but, despite everything that has happened, I still feel like I'm my 16 year old self. It may sound weird, but that's just how it feels.

And then a day like today would come, when I would see myself donning really business-y clothes, driving to work and waiting in line for the elevator. Today I went to Powerplant, to meet up with friends who are also wearing business clothes, and had coffee with them while smoking.

I had my car fixed, bought my family's dinner, prepared food for everyone here in the house. Heck, I even washed the dishes. I fixed my dad's clothes for his trip to Korea, I took note of the grocery items I needed to buy tomorrow.

It amazes me that I'm already 21, when in fact, I feel 5 years younger. Today, it felt like the 5 years went by like a blur; like I just woke up and suddenly I'm already this old. The things I do now all feel so grown-up, that I really feel like I'm just playing a role. It doesn't feel me.

On Jobhunting

2008-05-19T18:01:00.002+08:00

I spent the last week jobhunting.

Apart from the usual bookmarking of pages in Jobstreet and JobsDB, Allan and I spent last Tuesday walking all over Ayala Ave., and Rockwell, going inside the nice looking buildings, looking like morons staring at the directories, trying to figure out which companies we wanted to apply to.

As expected, I didn't apply to a lot. I kinda figured early on that I wasn't for the corporate world. I printed out 11 resumes, and managed to only submit around 6. Let me see.. I think I submitted to Bloomberg, Ayala, Watson-Wyatt (just to spite Francis), HSBC... Okay, I don't remember the rest. Oh yeah, I also applied for a teaching position in CSA, but, the only opening they had was for a Chem teacher. Looks like that won't be happening anytime soon. I am really, really terrible at Chem. Seriously.

Today, I had an interview for the Daily Tribune (which I will turn down for so many reasons), tomorrow I have an interview for HSBC, and on Wednesday for IBM.

I can say so many things about how I hate waking up really early in the mornings, dressing up in business attire, walking everywhere in heels, waiting for my test/interview to actually start, and about how I hate having to boast about each and every skill I think I have, but I think I'm starting to enjoy it.

It makes me feel like a real grown-up. I may hate waking up early, having to borrow clothes from my sister, walking everywhere in heels, and talking about how I'm so much more than I really am, but in all honesty, walking along Ayala Ave looking like a real corporate person makes me feel better. Better because finally, I get to look good (after months of looking like a bum and being a bum), and I get to wear the clothes that I only dreamed of wearing when I was still a kid. Making the interviewers believe that I am more than I really am is also making me believe more in myself, that I can really do the things that I wrote in my resume really well.

I just hope I continue thinking this way. It looks like this jobhunting thing will go on for a couple of more weeks. That is, if I can stop thinking of the things I hate about each and every job offer I get.

Bye for now. :)

2008-05-15T02:13:00.003+08:00

I hate that my friends are leaving.

To tell you the truth, I hate despedidas. Apart from it being mini-reunions (which I like, by the way), it makes the fact that people are leaving all the more obvious. For people like me who hate goodbyes, a despedida is torture; like prolonging the agony of actually saying goodbye.

Plus, it makes me realize how people have moved on and are actually doing something, and I am still left here, trying to make sense of my life.

It also makes me realize the things I could not do. Not that I want to leave, but you know... The thought of my being able to leave whenever I want to still gives me a sense of comfort. But sadly, living somewhere else, even for a short period of time is really not an option for me. That's something I could not do, regardless of whether I want to or not.

But anyway. Good luck to my friends who are JVP-ing, Charmie and Jodel. You guys are doing a very noble thing. Good luck to the both of you! :) See you guys next year!

Boracay Day 2 - Beachcomber bar
(While Charmie was trying to get all of us drunk. Hahaha. Sorry, I couldn't find a better picture. Ang sabog nito. Hahaha.)

Boracay Day 2 -- Some island we went to. :)

Marvin, Jolina and Bestfriends

2008-05-13T01:14:00.003+08:00

I was going to write about a totally different thing, but something happened to make me want to write something else.

I was watching this late 90's Marvin-Jolina movie on Cinema One, while uploading pictures on my Multiply when suddenly, Budjoy (Jolina), said these lines:

Kaibigan mo ako. Kaibigan mo LANG ako.
I made the biggest mistake of falling in love with my best friend.

Ooops. That sounded too familiar to me.

No, I am not going to delve into ancient history. That part of my life is over. What I'm going to say is this -- bestfriends are bestfriends because they really are just that. Best friends. Regardless of what happens, whether a romantic relationship springs out of that, the friendship should always be there.

Anyway. This is a useless post. I'll post what I really meant to post later. :)

Remembering

2008-05-11T23:48:00.008+08:00

Once again its that time of the year. I woke up at 2 in the afternoon vaguely remembering that today was mothers' day.

Oh yeah, mom, its your day today! But, because the Villegas household is motherless, there was no celebration today. In fact, I was home alone for most of the day, while "Happy mothers' day" messages were being sent to me. (As much as I'd like to think that those greetings being sent to me were due to people's insensitivity, it took too much effort to get riled up all about it, so I just let it pass. Hahaha.)

But I couldn't let the day pass without some sort of tribute. My mom may be gone physically, but it doesn't mean I don't love and don't remember her every single day.

So, here's for you, mama.

December 1986, at the Recto St., Villamor house

1989, wedding reception at the old Sheraton Hotel

1990 nursery graduation

1990, in the ship to Cebu

1998, Tita Adora's backyard in SanFo

2003, Singapore

2004, our last trip to Baguio together

You will forever be my best travel buddy. Even before I discovered my love for exploring different places and different scenes, you already brought me to the places I now want to go back to. Too bad there were no digicams back then, and too bad you weren't much of a camera person. I now realize that too many moments between the both of us were left uncaptured.

I'm scared that when I grow old, I might forget all the small things we shared. We had such a short time together -- just 18 years. And 7 out of those 18 years we had, you were sick. I want to remember all those years together; I want to still remember each and every detail about you, both the fun and the bad times.

I love you, Mom. I miss you everyday, and I'll miss you every single day until forever.

And here's for you, Yaya. Thank you for the 22 years of love and care. You are and will always be my second mother, and I love you for that. :)

The end of the movie drought. Yay!

2008-05-09T16:27:00.002+08:00

Nevermind that I am unemployed and poor. I went out to watch What Happens in Vegas and Speed Racer last Wednesday and Thursday, and it left me very, very happy, because finally, nice movies are being shown.

What Happens in Vegas is the funniest movie I've watched in a long time. It wasn't really the must-watch type, but it made me laugh (which 27 Dresses and Over Her Dead Body tried but failed to do), and that was good enough for me. Plus, it wasn't overly cheesy, which is always a good thing for me. :)
Speed Racer was a whole different story. I grew up watching the cartoon, and watching it on the big screen made me feel like a little kid again. Watching him push the buttons on his Mach5 reminded me of how much I wanted to drive back then. (Hahaha. Cheesy much? But I was just disappointed that there wasn't much emphasis on the buttons! He didn't push the buttons enough! Hahah!)

The movie was a visual spectacle. It was like seeing real people in an anime cartoon. The editing was unique, in the sense that I haven't seen anything like it, and the colors were amazing and appropriate (and I want to have a house like theirs. Haha.) for the whole theme of the movie. The costumes were also great. Hahaha. I loooooved Racer X's clothes (Actually, I loved Racer X. Period. Haha.), and Speed's real life blue shirt, red hanky and white jacket. (Although, it did make him look gay beside Racer X and that Japanese racer whose name I'm forgetting right now.)

The story? Well, it was so-so. I mean, I couldn't understand half of what they were saying. It tended to be too technical for the normal person to understand, plus, it delivery was too fast for someone like me (who had below normal knowledge of racing and cars) to digest.

But then, I didn't really watch Speed Racer to marvel at the story. I watched it because I wanted to see how something I loved ten years ago would be on the big screen. In that sense, it didn't fail me. It still gave me the same sense of excitement I felt when I first watched it.

So there. I want to watch it again. This time, purely just to understand what really went on with the story. Hahaha.

Yes, I'm still thinking about you.

2008-05-08T01:54:00.003+08:00

Forgive me, late nights spent alone do this to me. I may regret writing this right now, but heck, like I care. You won't know who its about anyway.

A couple of days ago I told a friend our story; or, more precisely, my story of what happened between the two of us. And yeah, since then, I couldn't take you off my mind. (I must be really bored, to just think of you randomly like that. Hahaha.)

I get that its over. I get that for you, I don't exist anymore. But you know what, I hate that I don't exist for you anymore. I am left thinking if I just imagined the whole damn thing, or if it really happened. But, for what it's worth, again, I'm sorry.

The reason why I'm still apologizing is because though you said you've already forgiven me, I still don't think I've fogiven myself. Or, the universe still hasn't forgiven me.

That's the thing about regrets. It's that nagging thought at the back of your head telling you that it's always your fault. When you regret, you go against yourself, and when you go against yourself, there's no one else that can save you but yourself too. That's what I hate about it.

starbucks, friendships and conversations

2008-05-06T00:25:00.005+08:00

I'm thinking maybe the reason why I like going to Starbucks and to random coffee shops in general is because I like the conversations that go on over coffee.

It has been a long time since I've had a real Starbucks session -- a couple of hours of talk about the randomest of things, sticks of Dunhill Frost (or Marlboro menthol if funds are running low. haha.), and my usual iced grande caramel macchiato. I miss the people I go to Starbucks with -- Allan, Francis, Jodel, Bennett, Tady, Cha and Karla. I have come to love the place because I loved the people I went there with. (mushyneeeeessss. hahaha.)

But seriously. Starbucks really isn't the same without a good friend there, with whom you can talk about the most random of things. I miss conversations about lochness monsters and giant squids. I miss talking about politics, philosophy and theology, and how these things affect our lives now. I miss the gossip, and the usual dissing of Jodel's waley jokes and the pretend "I'm-gonna-read-my-handouts-here,-so-I'm-going-to-use-my-ipod-so-that-I-can-tune
-you-out" moments.

Perhaps I just miss having real conversations with people I like talking with. You know, the kind of talk wherein you just blurt stuff out and the other person won't take it against you or against anyone. The kind of conversation wherein everything just flows; no awkward pauses in between topics, when the both of you are thinking of what next to say or what topic to open up next.

Anyway, I don't know if I'm still making sense. I think I really just miss talking with my friends over coffee. Hahahaha. Guhhreaaat. (4 paragraphs summarized into one sentence! My writing skills are deteriorating by the minute!)

Bottom line -- Let's go out? Text me!

Letting Go

2008-05-03T23:34:00.002+08:00

I just came from my first ever event as a Kythe alumna.

Okay. Can I just share how weird it felt everytime Bono would mention Jodel and I as the alumni. I felt old. Hahahaha.

Anyway, we were to speak of how Kythe has changed over the years, through three different sets of officers. Well, yeah. I mean, I had some things prepared. While driving all the way from Paranaque to Caloocan, I had some time to think about what to say. (How can I not, it was a really, really long drive. Hahaha. The farthest I've driven from home, actually.) You know, the generic stuff -- how much it has changed internally, the way things are handled in terms of systems, and how the priority has shifted from being an org that's out there (by that I mean an org that really strives to show itself to the whooooole world), to an org that's more focused on forming capable and responsible individuals.

Though technically, it's still the same people there; people I've known and worked with since last year, it felt different that I'm now an outsider peeping into the dynamics of this whole team. Different, but okay. If you get my drift.

I think, I've proven to myself that I've moved on. I no longer have the same kind of jealousy that I used to have, seeing them plan the year ahead, seeing them planning bonding sessions and outings. There is no more bitterness, and I can honestly say that I can be content with just being an outsider looking in.

Okay, crazy idea, but I'm thinking that maybe, throughout my four years in college, Kythe as an org kinda became like a boyfriend to me. (No, I am not just justifying the fact that I did not have a lovelife in college.) I mean, I loved it to bits, and I loved every part of it. There were things that weren't really appealing to me, but I accepted it all, because I loved it that much. I can honestly say that the most effort I've exerted is for a project, and not for school, because I've always wanted to make the relationship work; I wanted things to be great for the both of us.

And then we split up. (Obviously) There's someone else taking care of it now, and I really had a problem with that at first. I could not stomach the thought that someone else could take care of it better than I can.

But now, I'm okay. As I said, I think I've moved on, and I'm happy about it.

I guess, that's just really how it is when you love someone/something. Love means looking out for the growth of that person/thing, and its growth doesn't necessarily entail you being there. I still love Kythe and I think I always will, but I think its enough that I was part of its growth at some point. As I said to the new officers, it's their time to shine. I/we had our chance; now, it's theirs.

(Sorry, ang crazy and ang random ng mga sinulat ko. Haha. Cheesy pa. Hahaha.)

On Singing

2008-05-01T18:29:00.003+08:00

Watching today's American Idol episode reminded me of how much I wanted to be a singer when I was younger.

It didn't take me long to realize that I (my body) wasn't made for dancing, that my artistic skills are actually bordering on mediocrity, the next person can act as well as I do, and basically, the only thing that distinguished me from everyone else was that makapal ang mukha ko.

After that string of realizations, I realized that maybe singing is the thing for me. Its something that I enjoy doing, and its something that people complimented me for. Though I knew that I wasn't that great of a singer, I KNEW how to sing. Then I started singing in school for real. I may not have been part of any choir, I was always the one assigned to sing during Flag Ceremonies and stuff. Songfests were my thing, and singing during music classes was nothing to me.

And then college came. I have to admit that the videoke was one of my bestfriends for all those four years. Eastwood trips would not be complete without at least half an hour of videoke, and singing got me through driving early mornings and late nights from Paranaque to Katipunan. And yeah, I'd sing videoke alone here in the house when I'm bored. Hahahaha.

Its just sad that I can actually feel my voice deteriorating over the years. Too much shouting during cheering competitions in high school and during Orsems in college and cigarette smoke have made singing very, very hard for me. When I say hard, I mean that my vocal range has diminished significantly, and I can no longer do falsetto, or sing from the diaphragm. I can now only sing with my speaking voice, which leaves my voice hoarse the next day each time I'd go to the videoke.

I regret not taking care of my voice, seriously. I hate that doing something I love needs a lot of effort doing. I hate the thought of my not being able to sing anymore.

Labor Day

2008-04-30T22:56:00.003+08:00

It'll be May 1 in a couple of hours. It never used to make any difference to me, until this year.

May 1 is the day I promised myself that I will start taking this jobhunting thing seriously. May 1, Labor Day. Hahahaha. (Promise, I didn't really realize that I was starting my serious jobhunting thing on Labor Day. I just promised that I'll start when May begins, and it didn't dawn on me that it was Labor Day, until a friend pointed it out to me.)

One hour until I bid goodbye officially to the stress-less part of my summer. (Not that March-April was a total vacation, but, you get what I mean. Hahaha.) I've gone to all my planned trips, and I've at least spent time together with all my groups of friends out of town. (Except for my real high school barkada. Out of town trips are impossible with them.) At least I can say that I HAD a summer vacation, even though I didn't get to go out of the country. I feel like I satisfied my threshold for travelling, AND, I feel like I've gotten my feet full of sand already. I'll stop going to the beach for now. Hahaha. :)

Next destination? Jobstreet. Seriously. I need to get a move on.

Frenemies

2008-04-22T02:06:00.003+08:00

Frenemies.

They're the people who are technically your friends, but are not afraid to become your enemies when the situation calls for it. At least, this is how I want the word to mean. Urban dictionary just does not do it justice.

I'd like to say that I am your frenemy. I tell you things right up front that no one would dare tell you. I tell you when you're getting on my nerves (which happen really often nowadays), and when you're making yourself look like an idiot in front of everyone else. I'd like to think that I have your best interests at heart. No, I do have your best interests at heart. What I'm just ranting about is that in keeping your best interests, I come off as a bitch to other people.

Well, not that I deny that I am a bitch sometimes; its just, perhaps, I don't want to be labelled a bitch and a backstabber. The things I keep ranting about you to other people, I tell you too. You know pretty well what I have against you.

Heck, I don't even know why I'm writing about this. I don't really care.. do I?

On Philosophizing

2008-04-10T02:31:00.003+08:00

Perhaps one of the things I am most thankful to the Ateneo for is the opportunity to have Philosophy classes. Not everyone is able to have the opportunity to have the same kind of experience with Philosophy as we, Ateneans, have had. Four classes, 12 units. That's more than any school requires.

I may not have enjoyed all my Philosophy classes, but I am sure of one thing; that the lessons I learned especially in Ph103 (Philosophy of Religion) and Ph104 (Foundations of Moral Principles), will remain with me until I grow old. You know why? For the simple reason that finally, someone tried to answer all my questions about life.

Why believe in God? What's the use of all the symbols? Why do we have to believe in anything at all?

Who dictates what's right and wrong? How does one define what is morally right?

In the end, it did not matter if I believed what was being lectured or not. What mattered was that someone tried to explain it to me; someone tried to answer my questions. Their answers were of no use to me. It was the process they used to reach that kind of answer that made me enjoy philosophizing so much.

While having coffee this afternoon, Allan and I got into another heated discussion about morality and its grey areas. The issue of morality is a whole sheet of grey. There's no exactly right or wrong answer, it depends on how you explain it, on how you justify it. This just goes to show that maybe, philosophizing really is a personal thing. People like Kant, Tillich, Marcel, heck, even Plato and Aristotle, philosophized by themselves, probably using their own experiences or thoughts as a jump off point. Even they don't provide exact answers. If anything, they just provide you their own musings on the certain subject. You philosophize by yourself.

Real Life

2008-04-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"

I wish I could go back to college. Seriously.

I think its very ironic that when you're young, you look forward to working, to actually being on your own, and then when you actually get there, you want to go back. I guess it has something to do with how adult life is glamourized when you're young. When I was a kid, the movies I watched taught me that adult life meant being tech savvy, being able to have your own car, have your own place, be in a competitive arena where everyone appreciates your worth, being able to go out to parties whenever you want to and having dinners and lunches with your friends at really nice restaurants.

Well, they're sort of true. But these things were stripped off its old glamour, and that's why it's not fun anymore.

It's the real world. Inasmuch as it can be fun, it's also very REAL.

And today, I got my first taste of the real world. Sad to say, I wasn't very happy about it.

There are so many things to say, so many stories about how the interview went. But, in the end, the important thing to say is that I think I'm not ready for it. And, the fact that when I got out of the back entrance of the building, the first thing that caught my attention when I looked up was the building of the Ateneo Professional Schools definitely did not help.

Was it a sign? Maybe.

Big Fish. Small Fish.

2008-04-03T00:58:00.000+08:00

Today, my friends and I went to Manila Ocean Park, just behind the Quirino Grandstand, to see what the buzz was all about.

Okay. A little disclaimer here -- I'm not a fan of fishes; or any kind of marine life, for that matter. I don't mind seeing them from afar, but when it comes to interacting with them, well, I'd rather go somewhere else. However, I guess curiosity got the best of me this time. How can I let something like this pass, when I know that this is like a milestone for the Philippines. Finally, we're beginning to have the things that Singapore has. Haha.

So anyway. An adult ticket costs Php400, and a ticket for the kids cost Php350. No student discounts whatsoever (I was counting on this, even though technically, I'm not a student anymore. Hahahaha. They won't know anyway, right?) I think they had a senior citizen discount, but I didn't really pay attention to that.

The whole place is divided into 7 areas: Agos, Bahura, Laot, Buhay ng Karagatan, Ang Kalaliman, Overhang Tank and Pating. Well, from what I understood, Laot had all the freshwater fishes, including this gigantic fish, the Giant Arapaima, that welcomed us and shocked me by its sheer size. Bahura was where all the cute little reef fishes were. You know, the kind that you put in aquariums and stuff. Buhay ang Karagatan was where the bigger fishes were, and you can see them through this tunnel, just like what they have in Sentosa.

Ang Kalaliman had the big fishes that you see deep underwater, the Overhang Tank is where you can see the Pagi swimming above you, and the Pating is where (duh) the sharks are.

Perhaps the thing that I liked most about the whole thing are their labels. They have interactive labels which have trivia about the fishes, which were very eyecatching. I just didn't have much time to read them, because of the sheer bulk of people who were there with us (on a Wednesday! The horror! I wonder how crowded it gets on weekends.)

All in all, I enjoyed it. I may not be a fan of fishes, but this was a great experience. A lot of things need more work, though. Construction is still going on and I think, the area, especially the Laot and Bahura parts, are not equipped to cater to a LOT of people. People crowd around the tanks, and you don't really get to see the fishes with everyone taking pictures of everything. Maybe it would be better to go back after the hype has died down, and when the construction has finally finished.

NBSB

2008-03-23T03:52:00.000+08:00

******: ganito ba feeling mo kasi part of you wants to see what it would be like if the whole thing were real?

There you go, the product of the holy week. I'm now thinking of things I normally wouldn't even think about.

I'm suddenly thinking of how it is, being in a relationship, as I haven't been in one in my whole 21 years of existence. 21 now seems a bit old to have a first boyfriend, doesn't it? Oh well. I should have just said yes to that one in High School just so I could've been spared of the humiliation of having no boyfriend since birth at age 21.

But anyway. I guess this feeling comes with being open to love/being pathetic again. I'm opening up my doors to... well, I'm just opening my doors again, and trying not to be as closed up as before, and I guess ideas like these do really come in, especially because there's no ego to repress it.

On Randomness and Shopping

2008-03-22T13:41:00.000+08:00

Holy week is getting to me. I'm not a practicing Catholic (actually, I don't even consider myself Catholic anymore), so you see how these long, long days are sort of useless to me. I know I should be reflecting and praying, but hey, I already did that for three effing silent days, so technially, I have nothing to think about anymore.

So anyway, I should be scouting for graduation dresses today. That is, if the malls are open. (I really hope they are!) I need two dresses, hence, the dress-ES. One for the Baccalaureate Mass, and the other for the Graduation proper. Blame the Ateneo for scheduling these two events on one day.

God. I really do hope the malls are open. I don't have time next week anymore! Next week being the last official week I can go to school and still be a "student," I plan on going there every week. Hahahaha. Great.

going off to look for myself

2008-03-11T02:36:00.000+08:00

Back from Bora, then off to Tagaytay.

I'm going on a three day Silent Retreat, starting tomorrow. Yes, I may not be the type who would voluntarily go on retreats, but the timing just felt right. There are so many things that need fixing, and I know that only I can fix them.

It scares me; I'm not even gonna pretend and say otherwise. For the longest time, I've used my ability to speak and my voice (kaya ako laging paos), to command attention, to make people listen to me and intimidate people. I don't know how I will fare in the three days that I will not be able to use that which gives me power.

Bahala na.

Like everything I've experienced in this school, I'm sure, it's something I will not regret. (Or at least, I hope not.)

2008-02-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm very fond of you. Be thankful that I am, because I wouldn't have let that pass.

True leadership means being able to show you're not everything and that you're not perfect. Actually, being a real human being means also that. I feel bad because I know you're gonna have a hard time accepting that fact. You're trying to make it seem like everything's okay, when in fact, it's not. You're not fooling me; you're not fooling anyone.

Yes, I'm complaining.

2008-02-20T00:58:00.000+08:00

What pleasure do people get from complaining? Is it the thought of help coming from other people? Is it just a form of stress release? Or is it just because people want to make other people believe that they're worse of?

Everyone's ym status messages are all stress-related. Must be the season, especially that most of my contacts are seniors, awaiting that final day when they can break free from school. Sometimes it feels like paramihan na lang ng ginagawa, as if it'll make things easier for anyone.

I've been feeling quite morose lately, not the usual me. Maybe, school work really is getting to me; something I had tried to avoid ever since I started college. Well, I'll revert back to what I always say -- Hell week is hell week, but if you're a senior, hell week becomes magnified a thousand times more because of the pressure of graduating. Ergo, I am dying. Seriously.

And I am complaining not because I need help (as if anyone can help me. Well, not unless you can write my papers for me. Hahaha.), not because I'm telling other people that my life is worse, but because I AM JUST LITERALLY DYING WITH SCHOOLWORK (and org work, for that matter.)

crush

2008-02-18T00:59:00.000+08:00

Two weeks left in college, and I find myself having a new crush. Yeah, good job.

He's younger, and he's not someone my friends would like. But then I find myself actually liking him, to the point of me actually looking forward to seeing him everywhere. Hay.

I've been waiting for this feeling for so long. Why did it have to come this late?

Not just because its valentines

2008-02-14T02:43:00.000+08:00

I think, at some point, I have become addicted to pain. Masochistic as it may sound, pain makes me feel alive, like I'm not just some robot roaming around the city. It forces me to feel, as opposed to my default self who just takes everything in without feeling.

This Valentines, I will wish for exactly that. Pain. Just because everyone else is feeling all mushy and I just want to feel something just so I can complain about my life and be emo.

Friday Nights

2008-02-11T02:33:00.000+08:00

I want more nights like last night. Far from perfect, but perfect nonetheless.

Patis and Leigh
Piedra, 020808, Kythe Night

Leadership.

2008-02-08T00:40:00.000+08:00

7 February 2008

Due to the extraordinary circumstance of this case, for the proceedings of this proclamation, the Student Judicial Court has voted to waive its rules of court temporarily, as stipulated therein.

In the interest of justice and equity, the court has felt the need for it to exercise its power to investigate the alleged failure of one Karl Satinitigan, President of the Sanggunian, to enroll for the Second Semester.

On the 30^th of January, the Court authorized the prosecutors to conduct a full investigation. The results of which are as follows:

1. Karl Satinitigan is not officially enrolled in the Ateneo because of a failure to pay the tuition fee.

2. Karl Satinitigan has, according to the office of admission and aid, lost his scholarship status during the 2^nd semester of the school year 2007-2008, due to having 2 W letter grades on the 1^st semester of the same year.

3. According to the office of the Associate Dean for Academic Affairs, as long as a student has enrolled successfully for his courses and ahs paid the first payment of his tuition fees, then he is enrolled as an Ateneo de Manila student. The minimum number of units for a full-time student is 12, while lesser units means that the student is only studying part-time.

According to the Constitution, Article VI Section 6,

â€œNo student shall be qualified to become an officer of the Sanggunian unless he/she is a Filipino Citizen and is taking at least the minimum university load requirement for regular students upon the filing of his/her candidacy and during his/her term of office.â€

Therefore, in order to prevent a further miscarriage of justice, we declare, with the greatest of empathy for Karl Satinitigan, that Karl Satinitigan is not a regular student under the definition of the constitution.

Karl Satinitigan has failed to pass a three-pronged test of eligibility to determine a student,

1. He must be enrolled in the Ateneo system,

2. He must be taking classes worth 12 units,

3. He must, if failure to pay at time of enrollment have a pledge to fulfill the financial obligation.

As such, it is hereby declared that Camille Cabreira, Vice President of the Sanggunian, is now the President of the Sanggunian, to take effect immediately.

-------------------------------------------

Okay, now, I don't know what to make of this news. So many things have been said about the Sanggunian leadership. I think Sanggu has made mistakes, but at the same time, I believe that the present officers have made significant changes that have been thrown on the sidelines by the simple fact that so many people, or should I say groups, are against them.

I'm saying this not because I'm part of the Sanggunian. I'm saying this because though I'm a "inactive" courserep, I've been a courserep for two years, and honestly, I've seen the difference. I just feel bad that people don't give Sanggu a chance.

This issue about Karl Santinitigan seriously saddens me. It saddens me as a member of Partido Ibig-Agila, as part of the Sanggunian, as an Atenean, and more importantly, as a person.

Of course, people are going to use this issue again as a means to bash the Sanggunian and the party itself. Yes, I'm going to be the first one to say that there was a lapse in transparency regarding this issue, from the student government and the party Karl belongs to. However, as a person, I'd want to keep this issue personal, since it is kinda personal. Owning up to the fact that you lost your scholarship and you cannot finance your tuition anymore, especially on your last semester in college, is no easy feat. Even I wouldn't wish that to happen to my worst enemy.

I believe the Student Judicial Court made a perfectly logical decision. Karl's technically not an Ateneo student anymore, ergo, he cannot be the Sanggu president. I just wish the situation was a little more different. Instead of being on the offensive can't we just understand where everyone else is coming from and just all work to make Sanggunian more effective?

Kites and Love

2008-02-04T22:52:00.000+08:00

Mon, Jowellee, Jovellee, and Leigh

Hugging Lucky during Kythe's Let Loose: Kite Flying 2008

Sometimes, a hug from a little boy is just what you need to get back on track. I may not be the best person in the world, but knowing that I made this kid smile is actually all that I need.

Tomato Kick

2008-01-31T22:57:00.001+08:00

I've been reading lots of good reviews for this restaurant for some time now, and given its close proximity to where I study, I've also been wanting to eat here for the longest time. I finally got to, one lazy Wednesday afternoon, after driving my friends around to do errands for Kythe's Kite Flying. We were in the area, so we finally decided to drop by.

It wasn't very easy to see, mainly because it was at the third floor of this building along Maginhawa in UP Village. BUT, there was parking. Yay! I didn't have to park along the street, because the building had parking space for around 4 or 5 cars. (Yeah, its not much, but... I'm happy enough given that THERE IS parking. Hahaha.)

The ambiance wasn't much. Actually, I wasn't expecting much anyways. However, the menu looked really good. Reading it felt like I was in a really nice restaurant, not just some hole-in-the-wall eating joint in the middle of nowhere. The food's very affordable to, with prices ranging from P50 to P200. The service was also fast, and the waiters were very attentive. Imagine, we were able to eat, drive to the tarp place, and get back to Ateneo in an hour. That means, the service was really fast.

Viva ate Chicken Alfredo, Karla ate Angelhair Bolognese pasta, Aisa, Quesadillas, and I ate Pepperoni Pita Pizza.

Viva and her food!

My Pepperoni Pita Pizza (which tasted more like 3M Pizza)

Viva's Chicken Alfredo looked sooooo good. But more importantly, IT WAS GOOD. I only got to take one bite of it, but nonetheless, I'm planning to order that next time. Well, according to Viva, the cream was really good, but not too heavy. Aisa and Karla were also very much satisfied with their food, especially Aisa, who got her Quesadillas for P50. That's way cheaper than the Quesadillas in Cantina, but with the same quality.

I, however, was not really satisfied with my food. Maybe I had set expectations that were too high, but my pita pizza felt like it was pizza from one of those cheap pizza stands.

But anyway. I'm definitely going back to this place. I want that Chicken Alfredo!!!

Suddenly surprised by the noise

2008-01-22T01:37:00.000+08:00

This was what was written yesterday, January 20, 2008.

Three nights ago, I was getting mad at my yaya because the my toilet's flush won't work. And, being the irrational being that I am, I got mad at her, despite the fact that technically, she had nothing to do with it.

Two nights ago, my "sister" Yani and I were thinking of a way of how to pee in the woods. I wanted to get mad out of sheer frustration of being so in need of a decent restroom, yet not having one right then and there.

I just got back from my three day immersion from the Mangyans in Brgy. Paitan, Naujan, Oriental Mindoro, just around three hours ago. One thing I realized the whole time I was there -- Ateneo never ceases to shock me. I think, this immersion was a fitting close to four years' worth of unique experiences that I know I would never have had if I didn't study here. Our immersion was like a leap of faith. We didn't know what to expect (because no one else has been there. We're the first batch of students from OSCI to go there.), we had no real background as to how things went in there.

Personally, it was the most challenging thing I've ever experienced in my whole life. Three days of no electricity, no running water, no place to pee (much less to do number two), mud everywhere, and limatik (small leeches) to battle against, each time we had to go somewhere. Funny, even the idleness seemed to get to me. I couldn't stand just sitting there and not doing anything.

There's so much to tell about what really went on there, but I haven't got the time right now, so I'll jump to the point of this. My immersion was a humbling experience, for me, at least, and for so many reasons. At the same time, it also left me confused. It's like suddenly, I didn't know what it meant to be poor or rich, and what happiness entailed. The experience made me compare my life to theirs, and sadly, I don't think my life (or the way I live my life) fared well, compared to how they lived theirs.

Valuable lessons learned -- One, that sometimes, people get caught up in the business of running their own lives that they forget the things that are really important. Two, happiness is a complicated matter, and its something that cannot be judged. Three, being in a city doesn't really mean that someone is "civilized." Four, its who YOU are that matters, not what you are.

I know I'm sounding a bit vague right now. Well, that's exactly what I'm feeling. All I know is, so far, this has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced, but I'm thankful, because it has taught me so much.

Me with Nanay Maryanne, Almira, Tao and Fidel

On the way back to the jeep

anticipating culture shock

2008-01-17T18:52:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow I start living with the Mangyans in Mindoro.

What a way to start my 2008. Not that I'm not excited -- I am. It's just that... I don't know. It'll be a big change for me, even though it'll just be three days.

No restrooms, no running water, no electricity. Three days.

I'm guessing it'll be a really, really different place from where I grew up.

Anyway, wish me luck!

Hello 2008!

2008-01-01T01:46:00.001+08:00

I officially ended my 2007 by reading blog entries of the past year. Well, 2007 was a good year. But, apart from a lot of firsts, it was a so-so year. It was good, not great, if you get my drift.

So now I'm waiting for 2008 to unfold. An hour and fifty minutes into the year, and I'm still waiting for something to happen. I hope this isn't a foreshadowing of how the year will turn out to be.

Anyway, hello, 2008! I'm looking forward to crazier adventures and more memorable days! Cheers!

I want more days like this. :)

Bangkok Adventure! (part1)

2007-10-28T12:39:00.000+08:00

I'm back! The trip was tiring (because we were on the go the whole time we were there) but fun nonetheless.

Day 1 was spent walking around the city. We took the BTS to Saphan Thaksin station, then we took the Chao Phraya River Tour to the different temples. For 100 Baht (140Php), you can have unlimited use of the tour boat. You can go down at any stop and ride the boat again at any time during the day.

From there, we went to the Grand Palace, the temple of the Reclining Buddha (Wat Pho) and the Temple of the Dawn (Wat Arun) .The Grand Palace

Temple of the Reclining Buddha

Temple of the Dawn (Wat Arun)

We had lunch at some small makeshift restaurant near the pier, and had barbecued chicken and pork with rice for 30Baht (42Php.) The TukTuk ride was fun but humiliating, because apparently, we were already in the place we wanted to go to. The driver took us around, only to bring us back where we came from. Hahahaha. :) That's 40Baht wasted.

We were all tired by the end of the temple tour, but we were still waiting for the night market at the Memorial Bridge to open. After a very expensive dinner at KFC (where there was no rice! You have to order extra rice for 10Baht. We spent around 100+ Baht for chicken and rice.), we went to hang out on the bridge itself. Then we shopped. :)

Memorial Bridge

I'll leave it there for now, I'm still kinda sleepy. Hahaha. I'll nap for a while first, before I continue. :)

Bangkok in less than 24 hours!

2007-10-23T01:13:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've updated. :)

Because this is my travel blog, I shall keep to the theme. I'm leaving tomorrow with my friends for Bangkok. :) Yay!

Okay, I know absolutely nothing about the place, except from King Cholalongkorn (sp?) that I remember from Asian History class, because of his unusual name. Oh, and Rama too, from the King and I. Hahaha.

Getting to knoooow yoouuuu... getting to know all abouuuut youuuu...

All my efforts at studying the culture of the place were in vain. I did go to Fully Booked at Bonifacio High Street today, in hopes of being able to buy a travel book of some sort about the place. What I didn't know was, travel books cost about Php800 to Php1400! Come on! I wasn't willing to spend that much for something I'll probably be using just once.

Anyway, my friends are I are on a budget, hence, we will be staying at the Bangkok Christian Guest House , which reminds me of the Institute of Social Order (ISO), back in Ateneo. Hahaha. The things we do just to keep a tight budget. :) I'm bringing around 500USD, and let's see where that takes me.

There. Wish me luck! This'll be my first out of the country trip with my friends! :)

silly, silly girl.

2007-09-18T16:39:00.000+08:00

After years of being twisted, I am now silly (lame first line, I know.)

Anyway, here's me trying to chronicle my adventures in the city. I love going around, taking pictures, and writing, thus, this blog was born.

Seeing and reading the blogs of other lakwatseros like me inspired me to actually write about my adventures in Manila. At the same time, Manila holds a special place in my heart, despite my not living IN there. Hahaha. It has so much culture and life that truly satisfies the cravings of a culture-freak like me.

Okay, enough rambling. I'm gonna go back to watching the ADMU-DLSU game. :)