NBSB

******: ganito ba feeling mo kasi part of you wants to see what it would be like if the whole thing were real?

There you go, the product of the holy week. I'm now thinking of things I normally wouldn't even think about.

I'm suddenly thinking of how it is, being in a relationship, as I haven't been in one in my whole 21 years of existence. 21 now seems a bit old to have a first boyfriend, doesn't it? Oh well. I should have just said yes to that one in High School just so I could've been spared of the humiliation of having no boyfriend since birth at age 21.

But anyway. I guess this feeling comes with being open to love/being pathetic again. I'm opening up my doors to... well, I'm just opening my doors again, and trying not to be as closed up as before, and I guess ideas like these do really come in, especially because there's no ego to repress it.

On Randomness and Shopping

Holy week is getting to me. I'm not a practicing Catholic (actually, I don't even consider myself Catholic anymore), so you see how these long, long days are sort of useless to me. I know I should be reflecting and praying, but hey, I already did that for three effing silent days, so technially, I have nothing to think about anymore.

So anyway, I should be scouting for graduation dresses today. That is, if the malls are open. (I really hope they are!) I need two dresses, hence, the dress-ES. One for the Baccalaureate Mass, and the other for the Graduation proper. Blame the Ateneo for scheduling these two events on one day.

God. I really do hope the malls are open. I don't have time next week anymore! Next week being the last official week I can go to school and still be a "student," I plan on going there every week. Hahahaha. Great.

going off to look for myself

Back from Bora, then off to Tagaytay.

I'm going on a three day Silent Retreat, starting tomorrow. Yes, I may not be the type who would voluntarily go on retreats, but the timing just felt right. There are so many things that need fixing, and I know that only I can fix them.

It scares me; I'm not even gonna pretend and say otherwise. For the longest time, I've used my ability to speak and my voice (kaya ako laging paos), to command attention, to make people listen to me and intimidate people. I don't know how I will fare in the three days that I will not be able to use that which gives me power.

Bahala na.

Like everything I've experienced in this school, I'm sure, it's something I will not regret. (Or at least, I hope not.)