I'm in love. :)

Tell me, must you really wear skimpy trunks? Hahaha. You're making me fall harder for you, you know.

Gaaaah. The hormones.

I am Ninoy.

I find it horrible how the latter generations do not know who Ninoy Aquino is, apart from being Kris Aquino's father, or the guy on the 500 peso bill. My sister says its the result of this holiday economics the government is so hell bent on implementing. I just think its because of the generation gap.

Yes, 25 years is a whole generation, and though I find it horrible that kids nowadays don't know who Ninoy is, I sort of get why. I'm not the most nationalistic person I know, and I bet most people have the same stand as I do regarding politics and nationalism. This is why I get them.

I think we just need a reminder. A lot has happened in the 25 years since Ninoy died -- typhoons, wars, rebellions.. name it, we've had it. It's not hard to get too caught up in the present to let the past just be forgotten. We just need a reminder of what Ninoy stood for, and I think this is it.

Watch the video, and let's all be Ninoy.

Running

I've always hated running. Tell me to do anything, just not to run, because I've always hated how it exhausts me immediately and how my breasts bounce everytime I do so.

But now I've found that running is something that I've been doing for the past couple of weeks. I've been running away from everything -- my friends, the things that I used to do, my responsibilities.. everything. Heck, I even want to run away from here.

I don't know what I'm running from, or if I'm even supposed to be running at all. One thing I do know, is that it gets tiring. I'm sort of tired already of running away from the things that I'm running away from.

Leaving

I'm leaving tomorrow (well, actually, more like in a couple of hours) to go and face whatever it is that need facing. These past couple of days have been like.. I don't know. These past few days have been surreal. I've been avoiding having to stay long in the house and being alone, yet something still doesn't feel right. The things that used to make me feel better don't seem to work.

We're going home to Cebu for the last day of yaya's wake and for her funeral. I'm scared. After this, it's all really going to be over. She's really gone.

How I wish that when I wake up tomorrow, it'll be August 8, 2009, a year from now. Maybe then I'll be out of this limbo where I'm in. I'll be back in school, busy as hell, and by that time, things will be easier. No more of this dull ache that's tormenting me.

Grieving.

Right now, everything hurts. No, wait, it's not really pain. It's more like a dull ache everywhere; like you know something's not right, like something's missing.

I can't even begin to explain how it is. Heck, I don't even want to explain. Chances are, people won't understand anyway. I'll just end up frustrated and angry.

Yes, I'm better. Better than last week, definitely. But still, I'm not okay.

I get it. It was her time. She's happy now. She's better off there, with God. But then words are just words; they're supposed to make you feel better about the loss. I of all people should know this. That's also why it has lost its power over me. No matter how hard I think of this, it doesn't seem to help.

My sister said to grieve was to be selfish, to mourn YOUR loss and not the joy of the one who passed away. I'm grieving. I'm so overcome with grief that I don't even know what to do with myself. Call me selfish, but I'm just acknowledging the feeling the way I know how.

Things will get better, I know. But that's not gonna happen anytime soon.