Grieving.

Right now, everything hurts. No, wait, it's not really pain. It's more like a dull ache everywhere; like you know something's not right, like something's missing.

I can't even begin to explain how it is. Heck, I don't even want to explain. Chances are, people won't understand anyway. I'll just end up frustrated and angry.

Yes, I'm better. Better than last week, definitely. But still, I'm not okay.

I get it. It was her time. She's happy now. She's better off there, with God. But then words are just words; they're supposed to make you feel better about the loss. I of all people should know this. That's also why it has lost its power over me. No matter how hard I think of this, it doesn't seem to help.

My sister said to grieve was to be selfish, to mourn YOUR loss and not the joy of the one who passed away. I'm grieving. I'm so overcome with grief that I don't even know what to do with myself. Call me selfish, but I'm just acknowledging the feeling the way I know how.

Things will get better, I know. But that's not gonna happen anytime soon.