On Hope and Despair

If there's one thing that I remember from Philosophy class, its how Marcel would turn in his grave upon seeing how I used to interpret hope.

Like most people, I liken hoping to attaining something that I want. "I hope I pass this test," or "I hope the weather's good tomorrow." It can go as shallow as a child's wish to get more presents for Christmas, or an adult's wish to finally land a job. (*ehem*) Either way, my point is, how was I supposed to know that it was more than this?

Fine, now I know better. To hope means more than just getting what I want. To hope means trusting in the world that things will go okay, regardless of whether its how you thought it would be or not. Heck, it's just plain trusting God.

Again, I have to say, like everything else, it's easier said than done. Right now I find myself in a situation wherein I want something really bad. Default me wants to just hope that I get whatever it is that I want, and throw a bitch fit if I don't get it. Post-Ph103 me wants to believe that regardless of whether I get it or not, I'll be okay; that it's for the best.

Honestly, I feel more comfortable with the first option. The post-Ph103 option just feels like a cop out, like something people say just to make us feel better as failures. I feel like I'm going to end up in despair, just like what Marcel warned. But what if that's what's going to make me feel better? Is it really as bad he said it is?

Maybe the measure of a man in despair is not in how he let himself get into that situation. Maybe its how he pulls himself up from that pit. Maybe that's how he finds meaning in himself, eventually rising up as a better person.