Kythe 07-08

Can you believe it, it has been a year and a half since this photo was taken? I can't.

I miss these people terribly. I feel bad that we can't see each other regularly, or even have once in a while get togethers. Heck, I don't even know what's happening with most of them.

Hay. I just can't seem to get over college. Part of me wants to go back, but, as Princeton of Avenue Q said --

But if I were to go back to college,
Think what a loser I'd be-
I'd walk through the quad,
And think "Oh my God..."

"These kids are so much younger than me."

Stitches and Burns

It may be too early to say that I'm fine and over it, but for what its worth, I just have to say.. Yes, friends, I am okay. I'm alive and kicking. Hard. Kicking really, really hard. The days of the emo, sulking me are all over. Trust me.

(And trust me that the more I tell myself this, the more I'm pushed to really be okay. Mind over matter; that's my game plan.)

Give me a couple of weeks more, and I'll really be okay.

Anyway, I have a new favorite song. It's an old song, actually. You know those songs that always sound familiar, but you never really get to know the title or remember the lyrics? Well, this is one of those. If you do know the song, well, congratulations. Hahaha. :)

Stitches and Burns
Fra Lippo Lippi

People say that I'm a fool
Well I don't know
At least I found out
what it takes to be strong
I was dreaming all day long
A drifting cloud
With eyes wide open
I would choose not to see

*Now I don't want
to see you anymore
Don't want to be the one
to play your game
Not even if you smile
your sweetest smile
Not even if you beg me
darling please

Say good morning to the world
I hope you like it
take good care of all those
things that we have
I've been looking for a way
for to long now
seems like everything
must come to an end

*repeat

Time after time
nothing that I can do
Knowing your ways
and loving your ways
But not getting through at all
Day after day
leaving the past behind
Coming to terms
with stitches and burns and
Learning to fly again

Fine, I'm gonna confess. Part of the reason why I'm loving this song right now is because it totally explains where I am right now. The way I understand it, it's about someone who wants to move on, and that's exactly where I am right now.

Wish me luck. Everyday's such a burden, that I really get tired emotionally after each day. I know it'll get easier as each day passes, but sometimes, I just get burned out by the effort it takes to keep myself sane. My brain knows that I do not want to be left there, where I used to be. If only my body could follow the things my brain is saying, things would be a lot easier.

Reasons why you should never, NEVER read work email at home

1. Because you're AT HOME and not in the office
2. Because you end up getting pissed while trying to rest
3. Because you're not in fighting form to win an argument through email when you're at home
4. Because webmail sucks and only outlook can support the smileys that I like putting in my messages
5. Because you're not with your supervisor, to ask for help when you're being escalated
6. BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID TO DO SO.

Yes, all this because I made that big mistake of opening my work email here at home. I'm now very, very, very pissed at the people who think I'm incompetent and who like dipping their fingers in other people's work. I'm also pissed at the people you consult, because they're supposedly more knowledgeable, but don't really give you advice because they're too afraid to get into shit.

Hay. Leigh, leave work stuff in the office, okay.

Happy 23rd, Leigh. :)

My 23rd birthday was bittersweet. It wasn't entirely happy, but it was definitely memorable.

I know for the longest time that date will be remembered for Typhoon Ondoy, which destroyed most of the eastern part of Metro Manila with floods. You can't imagine how awkward it was, waking up thinking that today was gonna be a good day, only to realize, it was the worst day for a lot of people.

I was supposed to throw a party for my friends the night of my birthday, but after seeing what was happening outside (and inside our house for that matter. Our basement also got flooded.), I cancelled the whole thing. I ended up spending the whole of my birthday in bed, playing with Pepi, hanging out alone in the sala and listening to music. Definitely not my idea of how I'd want to celebrate my birthday. It wasn't even something I'd do on a normal day.

Surprisingly, I was okay with it. If anything, it made me again realize how lucky I am. There I was, clean, dry, and comfortable. None of my family were missing, and our house was okay. Again, it just reinforced the thought that perspective counts a lot. It made me realize again that there are so many things to be happy about. All I needed to do was to stop with the self pity.

Really, I've been so blessed lately, that I find myself hating myself because I've been whining for the past couple of weeks about how my life sucks. Without Ondoy, this would probably really have been the most memorable of my birthdays so far. For one, I got Pepi, my 2 month old Japanese Spitz. I also got to play again in Game KNB, and our team was able to win Php330,000 in 4 days. Plus, I finally got the promotion I've been waiting for.

Maybe its age, or maybe I was just emo, but that's what I was thinking the whole day of my birthday. Maybe again, Ondoy was a blessing in disguise for me, to help me change my perspective in life, and also to give me the opportunity to give back to others; for me to share my blessings to others.

A lot of people have been mobilizing to help the victims of Ondoy, and I'm proud to say that even in a small way, I was able to help. I spent Sunday buying things to donate, and also helping out in the relief operations in Ateneo. Unfortunately, time and work constraints won't allow me to do anything else during the weekdays, but I am planning on doing something else to help.

There you go. Twenty three. I hope my 23rd year brings me more new adventures and realizations, new friends and new goals. But if there's one thing I really would wish for myself for my 23rd, it would be that I don't forget how blessed I am, and for me to never forget to be thankful for everything that I have right now. :)