First Days.

I've never been a fan of first days. I hate that the night before I'm always nervous and can't sleep. I hate that I have to be someone else for that one day. I hate that sense of vulnerability and insecurity, having been thrown into an unfamiliar situation.

But then first days are inevitable; there always has to be a start to everything.

I've dreaded this first day since I signed that paper. This first day meant the end of something, the end of an era, if you can call it that. This is why I wasn't optimistic about today. I hated it for ending my happy times, even if I made that decision myself.

This is so unlike me. Usually, after the drama of the first day, I always end the day optimistic and happy, finding something to be glad about. Today, I left the office really wanting to go home and to go back to the life I left behind. I wanted to go back to my happy place. Though I had a lot to be happy about (I have friends and yosi buddies already, yay!) I couldn't quite pull myself together.

I have 8 hours until I go back there again. I hope tomorrow will be different. I miss my optimistic self. :(

On making that decision

I'm hours away from signing off my future. Jobhunting took roughly 5 months, and after all this time, you'd expect me to really know what I want already.

Newsflash.

I still don't.

And so I'm making this decision to sign my future off to some company that I don't really know or like. I'm making the decision to join the workforce this way, just to get people off my back about my indecisiveness. Crappy reason, I know.

But come to think of it, major decisions in my life have crappy motivations anyway. I pursued studying in the Ateneo just to make my dad shut up about school. Maybe this will end up that way -- a crappy decision that can turn good.

Nevermind that the future still looks and feels bleak to me. I'm getting one foot it, that's enough.

Twenty two.

Only 5 more days until I turn twenty two, and I find myself actually dreading the thought of my birthday.

I've always been a birthday person. I like celebrating birthdays. It's an excuse for me to do things that I wouldn't usually do on a normal day, and it's one day when everyone treats you more special than usual.

But then 2008 hasn't really been good to me, thus, I'm sort of dreading my birthday this year. The emptiness will be magnified, I'm sure. This is the first birthday I'm gonna be having without Yaya, and the first year that I'm not gonna be having her spaghetti and fried chicken that I absolutely love. You see, her spaghetti and fried chicken has been sort of a tradition each time I celebrate my birthday. I've been having it since I could remember, and this is the first time I know I'm not gonna be having it.

Twenty two is definitely going to be a turning point for me. I have so many things to sort out, so many things to think about. So many changes have been happening and have happened, and I feel like I'm floating on air, not sure when I'll finally find solid ground.

I just want to at least be genuinely happy on the day of my birthday. Period.

Who Wants to Play 20 Questions?

Jigs, a conservative economics graduate, and Yumi, a very liberal and outgoing commercial model are the victims of a long standing barkada tradition: they have to stay in a room for three days and two nights. Fifty hours to go before their stay is over, they find bottles of wine and twenty questions to learn more about each other and possibly fall in love.

Twenty Questions. Refresh my memory. I'm not sure, but I think this was staged in the Ateneo a couple of years back. It really feels very, very familiar. Hmm..

Anyway, I just watched it earlier tonight with my sister and her friends. It was my first time in the University of Makati, and surprisingly, I am amazed at how beautiful their theater is. Better than the Ateneo RMT, even. But then what good is a nice venue when your audience is rude and unappreciative, right?

Fine, call me judgmental. Call me old, even. But watching with lots of high school kids who were obviously required to watch the play was not fun. One, they were NOISY; before the play, while watching, and after the play. They were making all sorts of comments which were really uncalled for while watching. Where else could you go and hear someone randomly shout, "Ang sarap mong mahalin!" in the middle of a serious monologue? HONESTLY.

Two, they just make me cringe with their stupid questions. Yeah, I know the play's title is Twenty Questions, but that doesn't mean you can ask the same question over and over and over and over again. Active listening, please. You just rephrased what the person before you asked.

Three, the play has an actual story. It wasn't staged just so they can gawk at the cute actor. I swear, they were squealing all over the place.

Apart from all these, I actually enjoyed it. It was relateable and that's good enough for me. The lead actress does get very annoying at times, especially with the "Ano ka baaaaaa. Ang corny mo!!" line that she said for most of the earlier part of the play, but she's okay. She kinda balances out with how different she was in the latter part. Plus, I like that it's fresh. It's actually refreshing to watch something that makes you want to believe in butterflies and rainbows again.

One thing, though. Watching Twenty Questions made me want to play twenty questions. Hahaha. Question is, who to play it with. Hahaha. :)