Because I need to keep my memories

I'm making my mom journal.

Allan and Nikka gave me the idea earlier tonight, while having coffee. I was ranting about how I know and remember so little about my mom's life, before she got sick, that they suggested I make a journal, to keep the memories that I have right now.

While driving home, I was thinking about it, and then suddenly it appeared to be a very good idea. At least I can remember the little things, because these are the things that I want to remember the most.

I'm not going to be pretentious here and say that my mom and I had the best relationship. If anything, it was far from perfect. It's just that I've been without a mother for more than three years now, and I miss it. I want something to read again and again to remind me how my life was when our family was still complete. The feeling's starting to get all blurred and lost, especially now that so many things are happening all at the same time.

Hopefully this will help me figure things out for myself. :)

Waiting for my rocket to come

I've long been waiting for this. I mean, I've always believed that life is like a circle -- one day you're down, and the next day, you're back up again.

I've been expecting this kind of turn of events, given that I've been having a crappy time lately. But then now, I'm thinking maybe I expected too much, because the happiness I feel right now still doesn't feel enough. Yes, I'm happy. But that's just that. I'm just happy. With all the shit I've been through these past months, I would've thought life would give me something better than this.

Okay, I may not be in the position to complain, but what the hell. I'm complaining. I want something better. But then again, I'm still paranoid about the trade off. When my wheel goes back down again, I hope its not as bad as the last time it was there.