Letting Go

I just came from my first ever event as a Kythe alumna.

Okay. Can I just share how weird it felt everytime Bono would mention Jodel and I as the alumni. I felt old. Hahahaha.

Anyway, we were to speak of how Kythe has changed over the years, through three different sets of officers. Well, yeah. I mean, I had some things prepared. While driving all the way from Paranaque to Caloocan, I had some time to think about what to say. (How can I not, it was a really, really long drive. Hahaha. The farthest I've driven from home, actually.) You know, the generic stuff -- how much it has changed internally, the way things are handled in terms of systems, and how the priority has shifted from being an org that's out there (by that I mean an org that really strives to show itself to the whooooole world), to an org that's more focused on forming capable and responsible individuals.

Though technically, it's still the same people there; people I've known and worked with since last year, it felt different that I'm now an outsider peeping into the dynamics of this whole team. Different, but okay. If you get my drift.

I think, I've proven to myself that I've moved on. I no longer have the same kind of jealousy that I used to have, seeing them plan the year ahead, seeing them planning bonding sessions and outings. There is no more bitterness, and I can honestly say that I can be content with just being an outsider looking in.

Okay, crazy idea, but I'm thinking that maybe, throughout my four years in college, Kythe as an org kinda became like a boyfriend to me. (No, I am not just justifying the fact that I did not have a lovelife in college.) I mean, I loved it to bits, and I loved every part of it. There were things that weren't really appealing to me, but I accepted it all, because I loved it that much. I can honestly say that the most effort I've exerted is for a project, and not for school, because I've always wanted to make the relationship work; I wanted things to be great for the both of us.

And then we split up. (Obviously) There's someone else taking care of it now, and I really had a problem with that at first. I could not stomach the thought that someone else could take care of it better than I can.

But now, I'm okay. As I said, I think I've moved on, and I'm happy about it.

I guess, that's just really how it is when you love someone/something. Love means looking out for the growth of that person/thing, and its growth doesn't necessarily entail you being there. I still love Kythe and I think I always will, but I think its enough that I was part of its growth at some point. As I said to the new officers, it's their time to shine. I/we had our chance; now, it's theirs.

(Sorry, ang crazy and ang random ng mga sinulat ko. Haha. Cheesy pa. Hahaha.)